Commentary Track for December 31st Buy Pile Reviews (UPDATED WITH VIDEO)

There's actually a lotta discussion and thought that goes into this week's review(s), so there's not much that needs to be said ... but the images are needed.

The management at CBR isn't sure this week's column will be posted as is and on schedule. If you see a link in this paragraph, all was well, and if you see a note with a link, all was wonky. If you see no link, well, the "director's cut" will eventually run here. (NOTE: The column didn't run. I'm gonna invoice 'em for it anyway. Screw that noise ...)

Anyhoo, with the exception of the last image shown here, photos are courtesy of Isaac S. Lew and Jason Thompson (where noted), who hopefully will send over videos that can be added shortly ... (NOTE: Videos came in after press time, but they're included here now, due to sheer awesomeness)

In any case, here's the photos ...

The Counselor, presenting his case

Photo by Isaac S. Lew

About a half dozen people gathered around to hear what he had to say.

The Counselor (known as "Da King" or "Your Majesty" to the newly named Quislet) presents his case

Video by Isaac S. Lew

Another view of "the courtroom"
Photo by Jason D. Thompson

Most were awed by the disturbing volume of his scholarship as well as the relentless clarity of his points. Some just cracked up laughing.

A serious presentation of the facts

Photo by Isaac S. Lew

Take any term paper every written, anywhere. This is more serious than that. It's like some Johnnie Cochrane stuff. The burden of proof was just a start of things, before the real smack down. It was some top rope, elbow-tapping, vengeful god stuff. Also known as "awesome."

The body of evidence

Photo by Isaac S. Lew

Roy Thomas to Matt Cherniss to Stan Lee, covering every era of comics from the Invaders to the Initiative. Wow.

He said he was scanning and blowing up images in preparation for this at home, and his wife got all Seth Meyers on him and was like, "Really?" It'd be worth it to get a photo of that expression.

Presiding over this madness, Hannibal drove rapidly through LA screaming "HERE COMES JUSTICE!"

Photo by Isaac S. Lew

My stepdaughter was warming up for her second Kwanzaa show performance this week, my wife was struggling with some pregnancy related issues (probably some stuff on the Soapbox about that sooner or later). It was hard to be parted from the family to rule on such a goofy matter, but The Counselor made it a show worth seeing.

The man formerly known as Adam K, sometimes known as little girl's names, but henceforth known as QUISLET, admitting his complete loss

Photo by Hannibal Tabu

Part of the final ruling was that Quislet here had to be known as "Quislet" as an ironic bit of comeuppance for his earlier "victory," and has to refer to The Counselor exclusively as "The King" or "Your Majesty" for no fewer than five years. Oh, would you like to see the final judgement? We can do that ... Sandy, can we roll that clip?

His Honor Hannibal Tabu stands ready to render judgement.

Video by Isaac S. Lew

Hopefully some sign of this great achievement will be recorded on the Comics Ink wall, but store owner Steve is more about finance than jurisprudence.

Less a battle and more of a felonious assault, The Counselor was like Thor and Quislet here was like Marvin's cape on the old Superfriends show. Not even close.

Can't get enough? Download the eight page PDF of the brief -- well worth your time.

Playing (Music): "Bedroom Lites" by Idle Warship

Commentary Track for December 24th Buy Pile Reviews

Before we get started, I wrote a blog last week about (among other things) my problem about "Blackest Night," and somebody might come looking for it. Lemme look at my noted here ... crap, can't read my own handwriting. Somebody with a ... "tod complex?" "bod complex?" Something like that. Anyway, that's here, so good luck with that.

At the time I'm writing this, I don't have a link, as the column won't post for a few hours (it's 3:58 AM). However, I had to write about something important (well, as comics go) ...

Clash of the Nutjobs

Shown here are "Sally" (the school teacher some know as Adam K. and the comics retail clerk I routinely call little girls names) and a lawyer who'd probably prefer to keep his name out of all of this craziness.

Anyway, the lawyer (let's call him Counselor, for argument's sake) believes that Namor needs to flap those ridiculous little wings on his ankles in order to fly. Most of the people at the shop (and likely the world) believe that's crazy -- Namor flies because he's a flying mutant. He thinks he can fly, therefore he does. Flapping the wings makes no difference.

This argument was allegedly settled early this year when Vince Moore (another retailer at the store and a writer/editor/columnist/man about town) pulled out some John Byrne-penned "proof" that Namor was a delusional nutbag and could fly irrespective of his ankle wings. However, The Counselor's further research found Vince's "proof" to be as factual as Obama's claims that he didn't campaign for a public option and the "verdict" was overturned.

Thanks to a ruling from store owner, Steve LeClaire, the Counselor has until the end of 2009 to present his case to a quorum of comics fans and "authorities" at Comics Ink or he shall forever be shunned and mocked.

Next Wednesday, Diamond Comics and UPS can't get their act together and no comics will ship. Only one new comic book will be on sale in US shops -- some "Blackest Night" book. However, at 5PM, on the corner of Overland and Braddock in Culver City, CA, The Counselor will present his case to either emerge covered in triumphant glory or derision and shame.

Unless a new baby appears sometime around then, I will be there, serving likely as a jurist.

So there's that. Now, commentary about this week's comics:

I was shocked to see Marvel dominate both the "super crappy" and "not so bad" sections simultaneously, which is quite a feat and normally needs event comics to accomplish. I like the work of so many of these writers -- Fear Agent from Remender, Jonathan Hickman's amazing work on The Nightly News, Pax Romana and Transhuman, just for example. But this stuff ... it's really scary how bad it is. That means any good writer can turn in crap. That's frightening. I've gotta work harder at my stuff ...

Also, "Necrosha/Blackest Night?" I need the Armageddon/Deep Impact stuff to not happen, 'kay?

Now, a quick bit on Unknown Soldier. Despite the fact that the writer's dead to me now, the graphic novel was freaking amazing, and really redefined the property. However, sending this property -- which had heavy US ties in its mythos -- to an African country with no clear goals nor direction ... well, that's always been a bit weird to me. The whole reason the graphic novel worked so well was that the Soldier knew who he was and why -- an instrument of policy, a tool to achieve goals. This guy seems to have more of Christopher Chance's malaise (as presented by Peter Milligan) and that's ... hard to catch up with. I'm always interested, because (even though there are zero Black creators on this book -- sigh) Black characters in comics are always going to at least get my eyebrow to raise with interest.

However, on charm, I can't say enough of how much I enjoy reading Amadeus Cho, who's a morally gray character who feels no real desire to choose sides. I can relate to that. Heroism or villainy depend on mood and what's happening that day. His pairing with the "scoundrel" styled charm of Hercules could only be topped by a Layla Miller or Valeria Richards. I really hope to see more of the character as the years go on, maybe even some mentoring from Jimmy Woo.

Now, as I have the day off and would like to actually do some writing for myself for a change (as well as Audio Hijacking all of my favorite songs from The Sing Off), I bid you adieu. I will report back from the Namor showdown next week, and as always keep an eye on The Operative Network for baby news.

Playing (Music): "Popular Demand" by Lupe Fiasco