The Wu-Tang Clan Venn Diagram

When I saw this, I laughed so hard I almost spit on my extra monitor. I love it.

More than a decade later, they still play an interesting role in our collective cultural (such as it is) consciousness. Also, I'm liking what I've heard off the new Wu Massacre album.

Playing (Music): "Our Dreams" by Meth, Ghost and Rae feat. Alicia Keys

Revolver (blogging poetry comics music family work)

Six shots to your dome piece, home piece!

- BANG! I'm about half way done with a very lengthy review of my new phone, the powerful and praiseworthy Nokia N900. Also, look for thirty straight days of poetry (if I don't kill myself in the process) on my Soapbox. Shut up, just think of this as the previews for the movie ... or the warning shot ... your mileage may vary ...

- BANG! Speaking of poetry, I'm nervous and excited about the deluge to come. I have percolated the Bizarro poem idea in my brain for almost a year (and I may even have a Black Manta one ... why all DC? I need to dream up some Marvel ones, probably ... a seed of a T'chaka one is in my brain) and, honestly, I've been so fiction focused that it'll almost feel like a vacation from the politics and intrigues of my latest novel (which is *this* close to being 3/4 done -- writing it in quarters).

- BANG! Back to blogging, for the 2.5 people wondering where the second half of "The Reign of The Mediocre" is, I'm just waiting for Blackest Night to finish up ... oh, wait, that happens today! Excellent!

- BANG! Last weekend, I think I stopped so many people and asked them, "Have you heard Malcolm and Martin yet?" that my wife wondered if I'd been paid to do so. I am loving the mixtape (big .zip file) so much. The next time somebody complains to me about the state of hip hop, I'm sending them that link and telling them (as my wife loves to do) that they can "sat down and shaddup!" I may even get inspired to try to email them and interview them. Maybe.

- BANG! I enjoyed my time with all of my girls this weekend. We got to chill a lot and laugh, I taught Mooch some t'ai chi (and it's fun to see her try to work it into her every day life) and Myshell's jokes have been on fire lately. Since I never feel like I'm choosing sides, and since my techno-lust finally feels sated with a device that helps me do everything, it was super relaxing to just chill. On Sunday, we hung out with one of Myshell's friends B and B's husband, having a spirited discussion about politics and hip hop. Good times all around. Hm, this is personal, should it be on the other blog? Too late now ...

- BANG! I am supporting between three and three and a half websites at work now, branching into areas I barely understand. It worries me sometimes, given the balancing act, but it sure beats the alternative.

*Hannibal holsters his vocabulary and saunters off*

Playing (Music): "First Girl On The Moon" by the Bangz

UPDATED: The Reign of the Mediocre (The Music Edition)

Apologies to and appreciation for the illustrious and praiseworthy Nikki Blak, who inspired this meme.

Urgh.

I work hard not to be a hater. For real!

It's not because I believe the hype against haters (from songs I love like Maino's "Hi Haters" or Chamillionaire's "Good Morning"). On the contrary, if anybody appreciates the beauty and possibility contained in hatred, it's me ... well and Neil Tennant.

However, I have to deal with the dichotomies of my everyday experience. I listen to a lot of music and read a lot of comic books, blessedly for professional purposes (one of my friends said that all of my hobbies end up making me money) and I'm overcome by one common thread: "exemplary" is not only rare, but not even a big deal to the mass market. I say this not in the mind of the Wired article but in terms of literal mediocrity becoming the new standard for excellence.

To wit, I'll offer up two examples from each genre, each in its own blog. In music, I offer this guy ...

Yes, he's wearing a tweed baseball cap.

If you were one to believe the hype, you'd have the perception that Aubrey Drake Graham was one of the most amazing musicians in the field. He sings! He raps! He acts! He's sold a mountain of records and became a national phenomenon, getting huge radio play and big-name collaborations before he even had a record deal! He's the whole package!

On paper, that all sounds fine and dandy. However, in reality, there are some chinks in this publicity-spawned armor. Drake's singing? He has a range so limited it can't even rove, comprised of maybe five whole notes, all of which sound like a kind of droning dirge.

Let's try his rapping on for size. The following is his verse from his huge collaboration single "Forever" ....

Last name ever,
first name greatest,
like a sprained ankle boy, ain't nothing to play with,
it started off local
but thanks to all the haters,
I know G4 pilots
on a first name basis,
and your city faded off to brown -- Nino
she insists she got more class -- we know!
swimming in the money come and find me -- Nemo
if I was at the club you know I balled -- chemo
drop the mixtape that sh** sounded like an album
who'd have thought a country wide tour would be the outcome?
labels want my name beside the X like Malcolm
everybody got a deal, I did it without one,
yeah n**** I'm about my business,
killing all these rappers you would swear I had a hit list,
everybody who doubted me is asking for forgiveness,
if you ain't been a part of it at least you got to witness,
b****es,

From the simplistic lyrical cadences to the predictable rhyme patterns, from faux hardness to uncreative and pointless uses of profanity, this is less than stellar work. The best line, "everybody got a deal, I did it without one" is about all I could recommend here, and that on sheer gumption. I've been reviewing and writing about urban and hip hop music since 1993. I've seen "amazing" and this ain't it. His pacing is elementary, his stylings are lackluster at best, his voice doesn't command respect.

Moreover, he got shown up on this very song by Eminem's verse ...

There they go, packin' stadiums as Shady spits his flow,
nuts they go, macadamia they go so balistic yo,
we can make them look like bozos he's wondering if he should spit this slow,
f*** no, go for broke, his cup just runneth over oh no
he ain't had a buzz like this since the last time he overdosed,
they've been waiting patiently for Pinnochio to poke his nose,
back into the game and they know,
rap will never be the same as before,
bashing in the brains of these hoes,
and establishing a name as he goes,
the passion and the flame is ignited,
you can't put it out once we light it,
this sh** is exactly what the f***
I'm talking about when we riot,
you're dealin with a few true villians
whose staying inside of the booth truth spillin'
and spit true feelings til our tooth fillings come flying up out of our mouths
now rewind it
payback muthaf****r for the way you got at me so how's it taste?
when I slap the taste out your mouth with the bass so loud that it shakes the place,
I'm Hannibal Lecter so just in case your thinking of saving face,
you ain't gonna have no face to save by the time I'm through with this place, so Drake ...

... which is absolute fire and obliterated everybody else (Kanye, who has some ability when he chooses to use it, and Lil Wayne, who's just this weird little gremlin thing that impregnates impossibly hot girls for reasons I can't fathom) on the track. I have heard this song start on the radio, flipped channels for what I thought was three verses, and come back just to hear this. Drake? Lyrics? Meh.

Don't believe me? Check the track for yourself, tell me where I'm wrong.

How about his acting? Well, thanks to the wonder of the internet, I don't have to sit through a whole episode of Degrassi: The Next Generation (even his show was derivative), when I can just post this wonderful snippet of video ...

He can walk! It's a miracle! Call the Emmy voters!

Not exactly Andre Braugher, is he? He's not even Andre the Giant.

Heck, I even had to copy/paste his name at the start of this blog because he's so boring to me I couldn't remember it long enough to switch tabs and type it. Why is that? I have a theory. Did you note that his bio says he's Canadian? That goes even further to prove my point, because how can somebody take a fictional character seriously? There's no such thing as Canadia! It's like Narnia or retirement.

Yet, if you'd believe the magazines and what not, this is the most phenomenal rapper out right now, pledging to keep music interesting until Lil Wayne gets out of prison. Hh. No thanks, I'm bumpin' that Malcolm and Martin right now.

I put this forth to you: the wholly mediocre musician, a completely synthesized media creation without enough merit to even stand shoulder to shoulder with names legitimately worthy of the word "great," held up to the masses as some outstanding example of the form. Unacceptable.

Next time? Blackest Night -- brace yourselves.

Playing (Music): "Window Seat" by Erykah Badu

UPDATED! As if to reinforce my position, XXL magazine has given Drake and rapless wonder Nicki Minaj the May 2010 cover. "Rap royalty?" These half-wits? Then no fewer than three other sites hyped it up? "I fear for the republic ..."

Scattershot (life music cars phones culture)

Many of you are too new to the web to remember, but I INVENTED THIS SH##! The return of the bullet point blog, fool!

- As you may have noted, I was home alone part of the weekend, and within 36 hours, I basically degenerated into savagery (albeit observant savagery). I ate microwaved frozen food, I sat for hours on end in a leather recliner with a laptop, entertaining me and accepting the movement of my fingers. Bananas. The family's back and I'll enjoy a return to food that's cooked and sleeping before 2AM. Well, mostly (a new baby will keep you up with those night time feedings, y'all) ...

- If you haven't copped it yet, Janelle Monae is on freaking fire right now. Her singles "Cold War" and (even more impressively) "Tightrope" with Big Boi from Outkast ... unmitigated heat. Crazy, crazy, fire and eruptions of flames, yo. Wow. I pointed out links when they hit over on my linkroll but I haven't checked to see if they're still available. If you can catch her stuff, do, she's amazing.

- While we're on the subject of music, is anybody in the game doing it like Trey Songz right now? Between his monster smash "Say Ahh" (which I could imagine being so hot at the club ... you know, back when I used to rock clubs) and his relentless reign of remixes and releases online (he's all over the blogs like Wordpress ... more on that in a few moments) just won't let up. I like his voice -- he has a nice range that comprises both masculine lower frequencies while working through some bright tenor notes -- and despite his saddening propensity for using a certain racial slur, he's quite talented musically. Well, okay, when he said, "Imma beat ya body like a congo," he should have gone for "bongo" to make the rhyme work, since Congo is a country and conga doesn't rhyme. A minor quibble -- his Jasmine Sullivan response was hot (not as hot as The-Dream's remix, another great modern hitmaker, but I digress), I was rockin' his "Absolute Heat" freestyle while I did late night dishes this last weekend ... great stuff.

- Also crazy is Cypress Hill's "Armada Latina" with Mr. J-Lo Marc Anthony and the patron saint of clubbing, Pitbull. Catchy as hell chorus, rockin' beat, solid lyrics (what I can understand of 'em anyway, sorry, I took French in school) ... I can imagine going to my old favorite Thursday night gig at Sully's, saving this to be the last song ... and watching mutha####as go crazy. Perfect for any party-motivated crowd with at least 25% Latinos in attendance.

- Moving from music to motoring, my wife's tooling around in a brand new car I got for her. She used to push this reliable 1999 Honda Civic coupe, but that two door action wasn't the business for two kids. So we put our plan together and worked it out like Beyonce, Jurassic 5 or Jack LaLanne (and yes, I showed my age on that one, whatever -- I'm thirty-seven years old, dawg, come on). I won't show you her exact model because she has enough stalkers in the world, but here's an idea of what her new whip looks like ...

"... ain't a thang, got the whip game mastered ..."

... and she's very happy with it. A happy wife makes a happy something or other, so I'm happy too.

Although, from my own perspective, I like an actual trunk. I'll stick with American sedans ... especially after I'm hearing something about foreign cars not being as reliable as people say ...

- Yes, that was a cheap shot. I'm not proud of it.

- ... okay, yes, I am.

- One foreign thing I am happy to buy will be a cell phone. On Friday night, I plan to order myself a Nokia N900 (unless you'd like to get it for me, hmmmm?) and plunge myself into comprehending a Linux phone. I've talked about it before and finally the gods of finance and timing are aligning to give me digital nirvana. Yes, I'm buying it full price, unlocked, just like I did with my dearly departed Treo 680. I'll be reporting more on how that works out as it goes -- yes, I have a feeling vlogging is coming from The Operative Network. No promises!

- In "stuff I found and just love" news, if you're not in some way forced to silently nod at The Impossible Cool then I don't know what the heck is wrong with you. Dude, check Sidney Poitier. Peep the pimpin' from your man man from Scotland, Sean Connery. How many times will you see a photo of the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. playing pool with some old cats like he was a hustler? You've gotta feel the J.D. Saligner quote at least! Yes, the "older" buttons being on the left is counterintuitive and the site smacks of the Church of the 20th Century's fixation on booze and smoking ... STILL!

I have a gang more to do, but I'm trying to moderate the length of these things because I'm told my largely US-based audience can't stay focused on one thing for more than hey there's a penny, cool ... wait, what were we talking about?

Playing (Music): "Eenie Meenie" by Sean Kingston ... what, don't judge me! I don't need your pity!

Blog Fu: The 36th Chamber of Shaolin

"... if you ain't hip to the rare house quake, shut up, already ... damn!"

- I've been increasingly concerned about increases in the crazification factor of people wandering around in what I indulgently will refer to as "western society." I've read recently about a 23-year-old pregnant woman found dead with (hang on) the baby cut out of her stomach.

Then there's the Texas death row inmate convicted of stabbing his wife and baby to death, ripping their hearts out, and while waiting for his first trial (brace yourself) plucking out his own right eye and eating it before being considered "clearly 'crazy,' but he is also 'sane' under Texas law," or so Judge Cathy Cochran wrote in a 14-page statement accompanying the court's brief order. Worst of all, he was Black. Like we needed that on our tally ...

Speaking of Texas, don't forget the woman who dismembered her newborn baby with a knife and two swords (wouldn't expect a baby to put up that much of a fight) before eating parts of his body and brain before failing to kill herself.

Oddly enough, the one that bothered me the most is the 51-year-old mother who took her teenaged son hiking, waited until he was looking at scenery and then shot him to death, first in the head and then in the chest before eating a bullet herself. This after methodically disposing of a family pet, calmly buying the gun and composing a lengthy suicide note ... that gave no reason why the boy had to die.

Now, anybody who's ever read my work can attest to the fact that I have no overly sentimental attachment to life, human or otherwise. Death happens. I don't think it's a big deal. I once told someone that the only crime I couldn't get my brain around was rape. Theft, sure, all day, makes sense, get yours. Murder? Well, yeah, there are times I can see people considering that the best choice. But these killings ... I don't get it. I'm nowhere near crazy enough to see the line of thinking that leads to these behaviors. Moreover, with the eye guy (who looks strangely like he could be related to Chris Brown, IMNSHO), the amount of focus you have to have to block out the make-you-pass-out levels of pain from plucking out your own eye, and then staying conscious through the shock and bleeding long enough to eat it ... that's the stuff of nightmares, in my mind. All this "oh, some people got shot" or "she ran them down with her car" stuff is pansy by comparison. I can't even write stuff this bananas. So that's been haunting me for a few days ...

- At least they didn't have sex with a horse ... repeatedly.

- In completely unrelated news, UCLA will no longer allow the three-times-a-year Undie Run. This "tradition" started after I was long done with college, and involved the students of Cal State Westwood to boot, so I'd never even gotten close to it. But it seemed like a fun and largely harmless thing (what's a few arrests, assaults and a burglary between friends?), so I'm almost sad to see it go in that it makes the city marginally less whimsical.

- Back to people getting killed, this at least made me laugh like a silly bastard: Cracked's Five Real Life Soldiers Who Make Rambo Look Like a P***y. The Finnish sniper was fantastic, but the 19-year-old Yogreva Singh Yadav and US candidates Alvin York and Audie Murphy just made me giggle like a schoolgirl on E. All the fancy training, all the skills one can amass, and the second you find somebody who wants it more and catches you at the right time, boom, you're in a bag. Ask those Soviet or Pakistani or German soldiers. Hilarity.

- Apparently, due to science and da intanet and what have you, women are getting statistically more beautiful in the US while men remain pretty much as we always were. Yeah, okay. I've got no argument there.

- How cool is the idea of transparent aluminum? Aside from the idea of a wrap you can cook in and see through, it apparently "created is a completely new state of matter nobody has seen before," said Oxford University Department of Physics Professor Justin Wark. "Transparent aluminium is just the start. The physical properties of the matter we are creating are relevant to the conditions inside large planets, and we also hope that by studying it we can gain a greater understanding of what is going on during the creation of 'miniature stars' created by high-power laser implosions, which may one day allow the power of nuclear fusion to be harnessed here on Earth." Now that's cool.

- I don't need to go into the Skip Gates thing -- I've long said Yankee Black folk are way too comfortable with their fancy "freedom," and need to be more strategic. No, I'm more bothered by the Nuttworld case where a Black man got hit in the face by a piece of wood-wielding white guy on a Bay Area street, and the eyewitness didn't think to report it. Plus le change, plus le meme chose, fool.

- I am bothered, however, by how often I have to tell Black people that the great pyramids were not and could not have been built by slaves. Let alone that the only large influx of people into dynastic Egypt (Kemet) were not poor desert wanderers looking for freedom, but bloodthirsty invaders, so quash that theory as well. From non-Black people, this seems fairly predictable in a sad, mass-media-and-Charlton-Heston-influenced way. From Black people? It's a tragedy, IMNSHO, to have so little regard for your own roots. Admittedly, this was an area of fairly intensive study for me, but still ...

- Speaking of Africa, I'm consistently bothered by the fact that the continent is apparently connected to the net via an extension cord looped through the Nigerian equivalent of Pookie's back window, especially because of how often it stops working. I need to find out what's at the "good" end of that cable, and it's hard to do since the official site looks like it was coded in 1997. Oy.

- Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not really out to get you. A military coup planned by Dubya's granddad? Scientologists raiding the IRS? Explosion-proof Hitler? Cracked also noted seven insane conspiracies that actually happened including the tragic fate of Guy Fawkes (one day, I wanna write an alternative history story where he succeeded).

- Foxes in Germany steal shoes -- pass it on.

- To celebrate his induction into the Baseball Hall of Fame, please enjoy the wit and wisdom of Rickey Henderson.

- I need to check out Street Sweeper Social Club, which is made up of Rage Against The Machine's Tom Morello and the illustrious and praiseworthy leader of The Coup, Boots Riley. There's also a new free song for download I wanna check out from Goapele.

- I guess this and this mean I'm never gonna get the $200 I was owed from that Luniz review I did while Jesse Washington was editor.

- I love taking a nap.

- To be honest, I don't have a lot of the so-called 100 Essential Skills for Geeks ... but I know some people who do. Those people are extraordinarily useful to know.

That's more than enough for now, and my blog-fu file still has literally hundreds of links. Whee!

Playing (Music): "Cornbread" by Freestyle Fellowship