Commentary Track for March 10th Buy Pile Reviews

Holy crap.

I started writing The Buy Pile at CBR on March 9, 2006. Four years ago.

It also seems that I started writing the column as a whole on March 5, 2003.

A seventh anniversary. Seven years is a long time. Wow.

Yeah, there were comics, and whatever, but that's ... wow.

I don't even know what to say about that. Okay.

Sorry I'm not more chatty this week, I'm just bugged out over that.

Watching (TV): Men of a Certain Age, "Father's Fraternity"

TV imitates comics

So, the show Psych has this episode called "Think Tank" which has the two main characters Sean and Gus are recruited into a consulting group of experts in various fields to consider every single possible scenario in which a Richard Branson-styled billionaire will be assassinated. Before the second commercial break, I had a suspicion that the snippy security consultant Walter Snowden was, in fact, part of the problem.

The funny part about this is that a while ago, comic book company Boom! Studios had a comic called Unthinkable where -- hang on -- "following the events of September 11th, novelist Alan Ripley is recruited into a government think tank alongside several other creative minds. Their job is to conjure up the wildest disaster scenarios they can possibly think of, but the think tank is eventually closed and Ripley is sent on his way. Years later, the attacks that Ripley and his compatriots hypothesized start coming to fruition."

Sure, there's an Unthinkable movie in the works, but this is a cute end run, "borrowing" the ideas of popular fiction. I notice these things, sadly.

Watching (Hulu): Psych, "Think Tank"

Commentary Track for Two Weeks of The Buy Pile

All righty then.

Last week I was slammed at work and couldn't do a Commentary Track. Sorry. Like you freaking care. This week has been pretty brutal too, but I wanna squeeze all I can get from Blogger before I've gotta get out of this place ...

I like the idea of Gravel and a lot of what's going on, but the pacing is often really slow, making the "wait for the trade" mentality make more sense. Problem is, with my scatterbrained, episodic ability to enjoy entertainment between work and family and writing (more than I've done recently, thanks), I never get trades. They're too much of a time suck. I even load actual books on my phone, to read in snippets stolen from grocery lines or long meetings. Just a note, probably the biggest concern with this ongoing, the pacing.

Hit Monkey sucks. I said it. You can quote me. It should be hilarious and it's just a lead balloon.

I need Marvel to do something on their website. I need a round table with Amadeus Cho, Layla Miller and the newly (scarily) smart Valeria Richards. Honestly, I'd like to see Vril Dox moderate, but that's the stuff of fan fiction. Just letting those three loose would tickle me pink (if written well). I don't believe all three have ever been on panel together, and they're among Marvel's most interesting characters (to me) right now. Layla Miller singlehandedly brought me back to X-Factor, because the other characters that got my attention (Monet, Guido) were not getting the time they needed either.

Jonathan Hickman needs to go back to the indies. I said it. He's too good to be wasted in such a way, on plots that are too finite for his grandeur. I'm debating whether or not Fraction should follow. H1-X1 my butt.

I have to make two interesting notes about my (ongoing) criticism of Blackest Night -- I got an email from a reader named Michael Zack (thanks for checking out the work) who wrote:

I was just reading your "Buy Pile" on Comic Book Resources, and I'm the guy who was sitting in a corner crying because of Blackest Night #7. That series is devoid of any literary merit. It's only goal is to minimize reader creativity and spirit and push forward fan boy moments for that cheap thrill.

I weep for the future of the industry if this is considered to be the gold standard.

That almost made my day (the smiles and hugs of my wife and daughters beat it out, though).

Then I got a nice name check in Jeff Patterson's SF Signal column, where he said ...

... and the fanboys just keep lapping it up, buying it in droves and spouting glowing reviews with each fresh defiling. And the public doesn't care. People shriek about the portrayal of Teabaggers in Captain America, but have no problem with the dim-witted idea of 100,000 Kryptonians immigrating to Earth or the Green Goblin being put in charge of National Security.

(It needs mentioning here that Hannibal Tabu, who writes The Buy Pile column at Comic Book Resources, has been diligent in finding this stuff offensive. Kudos, Hannibal)

Much appreciation, Jeff.

This is not me saying that agreement makes me right nor more valid -- perish the thought. I just don't know how to respond to the positive mail I get (way, way, way more than the negative, as the detractors, even the professionals, normally just talk crap about me on message boards I've never visited), so I'm trying "public gratitude" on for size.

Also: I must note that Quislet (the schoolteacher/retail clerk known to some as Adam K, who lost the famous case of Namor's ankle wings) first declared that Sinestro was Space Hitler, now wielding the light of the whitest, er, Brightest Day, not me.

Now, as to crossovers in general. Here's my feeling of most DC crossovers since maybe just after Identity Crisis -- "let's keep adding more and more ridiculous situations and see what happens!" From the Mouse House of Ideas, it seems less fanfic-ish, as they'll let a weird circumstance (Norman Osborn as head of national security) stand for a long time and leave ramifications of it even after they essentially roll things back to their "mandated by licensing" standpoints. I like lots more individual moments in DC branded comics, but as a general feeling of zeitgeist, make mine Marvel. Just my thoughts.

If you're not up on Dingo, you completely missed out.

Lalo Martins never told me what was wrong with Great Ten.

John Layman's doing some interesting stuff with Chew.

In that I haven't had a "nothing sucks" week in recent memory, I'm ecstatic to say I loved loving comics this week (despite my wife, people at the shop and random passers-by believing I hate everything, despite starting every column with glowing praise ... whadda ya gonna do?) ...

That should do it for now.

Playing (Music): "Say Ahh" by Trey Songz feat. Fabolous

Commentary Track for The Buy Pile from February 17, 2010

First, some adminstrivia: these commentary tracks could hit a snag when Blogger goes dark on FTP (more on that shortly). I'll see what I can do. There's several possibilities, and I'm working on a blog about that, so I wanna stay on topic here.

Doomwar feels like the vindication of Christopher Priest's run, as it does similar things as the two "Enemy of the State" storylines (in my mind).

As somebody who remembers Bob Layton's Hercules series with great fondness (Recorder was the man!), the idea of a Marvel universe without the brash son of Zeus is oddly bittersweet. Wonder Man's still shlepping around and Herc had to pass? Some comics shop pundits noted the circular path of divinities, much like Alan Moore hinted at when the officers of Top 10 investigated the murder of Balder, but I can't imagine a way to bring him back and not have it take away a lot. Maybe the whole "Giffen/DeMatteis League Going To Hell For Tora" tactic. I can't see any other way.

The opening strains of All Hail Megatron were the last time I enjoyed a Transformers comic as much as Last Stand of the Wreckers and that's a good thing. Hopefully, unlike AHM it won't fall apart at the end. Kup's stepping up as a great point of exposition, Springer's an interesting leadership type and the sole human has yet to annoy. Shocker!

Deadpool ... when he's on, he's on. What more needs to be said?

As for Doctor Voodoo, I note that Earth's new main mage has yet to be called in on a really high profile consult, and he didn't make the "main" Avengers team (not publicly, anyway, a team which has zero non-Caucasians as of yet, but the Secret Avengers remain unrevealed), so even though he housed two major threats, I kind of feel like he didn't get an appropriate moment to shine. Also, that coloring and muddy ink work didn't help. Que sera sera.

If comics cost less, many, many books would have been contenders. I'm looking at you Incorruptible, G.I. Joe Cobra 2, Dark Avengers and ... heck, all of the honorable mentions. They're all good issues, just not good enough to justify the cover price.

Magog going "meh" was a surprise, but it just kind of Rashomon-ed stuff I'd already seen. Power Girl could probably reach just a little farther and make "Honorable Mention" status.

The bad ... you know what? No need to give it more light. I'm sleepy.

More news as it develops ...

Playing (Music): "Karma Police" by Radiohead

Commentary Track for the Buy Pile, February 4th, 2009

Let's do this week's second look at my reviews quickly, in that I haven't had lunch and I also need to drop the kids off at the pool. TMI? Sorry, I'm sleepy, filters may be clogged with confusion ...

Anyhoo, I love Dingo. I love, love, love this story. Ever since I read the whole thing as prose (which I recommend) and I can't believe how effective the adaptation is, even while it cuts corners in presenting the stuff. The novel's writer Michael Alan Nelson's doing the comic and he's doing good stuff. Very happy with that.

A guy on Twitter once promised me he'd break down how badly The Great Ten mangles what being in China is actually like ... but I've never seen it. The book reads well and I've enjoyed literally every page of it, and the structure Tony Bedard has laid out is simply flawless.

I will say -- and I do this with great trepidation as not only do I vastly like and admire Dwayne McDuffie, he's also considerably larger than I am -- that I wanted more from Milestone Forever. There's two scenes of just people standing and looking with name captions nearby. That made me a little sad. What happened with Holocaust makes zero sense to me, based on some displays of power I've seen him run. Unless Wise Son has a Lucas Bishop thing going on, I just don't get it, and even then, there's the Flash Rule of Protection from Your Own Powers to consider ... ah, I've said too much. Still, I'd pay six bucks to spend time in Dakota that way, even with those disappointments, and that's a sad statement of how emotionally invested I got with those characters.

Now for some events comics stuff. HOW MESSED UP WAS THAT PAGE WITH THE SENTRY? Siege #2 was wild, as spectacle if not as story. However, I believe Norman Osborn's not too well versed in myth, because gods rarely really die, and their nature is cyclical. So the idea that he can just take on some of the things he has afoot ... it's masochism at a scary level. It was nice to see Bob step up, finally, and not whine his way through something. Ever since that run in with the Molecule Man in Dark Avengers, he's been slowly getting more impressive.

I feel I do a disservice to books like Jonah Hex and Scalped because I am just not the right reader for the material. I can recognize that those were two of the best comics printed this week, based on scientific applications of craft and what not, but I just didn't like them. Like a beautiful person you're not attracted to, there's no accounting for taste. To an extent I feel this way about Criminal (and it's not even due to finding out that Ed Brubaker had a message board beef with me some years ago that only Google Alerts revealed to me -- which is ironic if you read another recent blog of mine, but I digress), but sometimes that noir'll do it for me if it really pushes the envelope.

Nova ... you were doing so well. Your own take on the GL Corps, your new recruit mechanism, it was cute. What's with the time travel? Dude! Dude!

That'll do, y'all. That'll do.

Playing (Music): "Never Get Enough" by Raul Midon

Commentary Track for The Buy Pile, January 27th 2009

This week's reviews were kind of like wading through hip deep mud, but it's better than actually wading through hip deep mud for reasons of cleanliness and coolness. Plus, a bad day reading comics is better than a good day doing real work, or so I've always believed.

So there was a handbook style issue this week, and people always ask me,"why do you buy all of these things?" I had to let somebody know once: buying handbooks is like buying the right to be right. When somebody says, "I know for a fact that D-Man guest starred in issue seven of Invincible Iron Man," or if they posit, "Well, everybody remembers how Spidey had sex with that chicken after he switched sides in 'Civil War,'" there's two ways you can shut them up. Have the actual issue or have a guidebook that tells them otherwise. It's an argument stopper, it's like having the old Encyclopaedia Britannica on the shelf and going to it every time there's an argument about aardvarks (and really, how many of us haven't had an argument about aardvarks?) -- well worth the money. The mix of issues was weird this time -- leading with modern SHIELD-era stuff for Tony Stark and then stepping back in time for Rhodey's first weird War Machine run (which was similar tonally to the start of this incarnation) -- but it had its benefits. I was shocked with how little of the real character and flavor of Fraction's run translated in this cut and dry presentation when so much of, say, the Clone Saga's idiocy came shining through.

In any case, there's that. Also, Kurt Busiek and Brent Anderson's immersive Astro City experience is worth the ride, almost every time, even when it isn't. Yes, that didn't make sense. I have a newborn at home, shut up.

Lessee, event comics ... I still can't believe how badly things are going if the last issue of Captain America: Reborn hits stands after Steve Rogers has been shlepping around the 616 for a few issues, with Bucky still looking moon-eyed at his side. The "Avengers Reassembled" shtick (bring back Cap, rebuild Tony as a hero, bring back Thor from his exile) is superbly transparent in the face of Norman Osborn's much more interesting machinations (his flaws make "Dark Reign" work as well as it does, although when they get predictable it's easy to take a pass) but that's just the way it is like Bruce Hornsby was on deck.

Back when I was on Twitter (oh, you didn't know about my yearlong sabbatical from social networking spanning my 37th and 38th birthdays?), there was this one guy who would at-sign me the angriest, wildest stuff after my reviews hit, especially in regards to anything Green Lantern or "Blackest Night" related. I found it hilarious -- he didn't follow me, didn't wanna engage in dialogue, he just wanted to curse at me. As previously noted, that's just fine with me -- hate mail is awesome. Any passionate response to my work is fine, because there's such a thin line between love and hate (apologies to The Persuaders) -- indifference is what I hate to see.

So when I got Green Lantern #50 in my hands, I could just imagine veins throbbing on foreheads and frustrated grappling. It amused me a little, because given the tools at hand, it's hard to make a "Blackest Night" story I'd like. Me, I appreciate the more mature perspective of another, older comics writer, who emailed me once saying that he wished I liked some of his work more but he appreciated the directness of my opinions. It was nice because he appreciated that they are opinions. I can't guarantee that anything I write will help or hurt anybody's sales. I certainly don't know anybody personally to the point where I'd have that much of a vendetta against them (well, nobody in comics anyway). I may toss a lob towards the rowdier sections of the peanut gallery if I'm already deep in the "this won't work" grass, but that's largely for kicks. If there's anything the internet loves, it's hyperbole. Maybe even Hyperbole and a Half.

So that was the big event comics this week, what else happened? Oh, despite the fact that I'm most likely to run him over with a car (mostly kidding, that's actually Brandon Jerwa), John Layman's writing some interesting stuff in Chew that has a lot of fans talking. It's always close to the mark, and when it makes it, it's really a delight.

I was happy to see Prometheus back as the galaxy-class bad guy I respected when he whispered, "... here comes justice!" There's still something critically wrong with Justice League Elite, er, Justice League: Cry for Justice that never connects. It's partially Congorilla, admittedly, but Hal's self righteousness doesn't help. Prometheus took a lot longer to improvise when his Wikipedia stylings failed him than I expected, but his overall plan made it kind of all right. The fight scenes looked so stiff, though, and his actual plot was like an old 1980s Dr. Doom scheme -- even Doom's gotten smarter after all these years. Just saying ...

Another thing ... ooh, what's that shiny, gotta go ...

Watching (Hulu): White Collar "Bad Judgement"

Commentary Track for the January 20th, 2009 Buy Pile

There were a number of challenges with this week's column due to a variety of influences. It was my 37th birthday on Wednesday, and my normal inclination for my birthday is to stay in bed the entire day. That was unlikely, given that I drove my stepdaughter to and (if memory serves) from school and also had some interesting times with our new daughter Ella, who doesn't exactly sleep during what mortals call "night time." So, sleep deprivation, up front.

Then, I made the announcement that I was retiring, Jay-Z/Jordan style, from social networking for 365 days as of Wednesday, also. Given that, in many ways, I practically lived online, that was an amazing challenge to even consider, much less engineer. So there's all that.

Up until the last moment, I wasn't even sure I was gonna go buy comics. The comic store was, luckily but challengingly, not in my bed. It was also cold and nasty out. I may have been drunk. It's hard to remember. But, there were no fewer than three Buy Pile regulars, so out I went.

I really like the working class grit of Gravel and when Warren Ellis feels like it, he can turn out one hell of a procedural. Toss into that his avowed and easily provable love for all things British and a dash of magic and murder, well, that's just good. I do wanna see more of the verve and sass that made the founding members of his Minor Seven, as the two that appeared here didn't do much, but otherwise I love the idea of "the king of all magic" being a kind of foot soldier who simply put one spell in front of another (yes, I'm wearing that metaphor out) until it all worked out. That's something I can relate to.

This crossover in Incredible Hercules is taking a little bit of time to get there. I said it. I love the interplay between Herc and the always entertaining Amadeus Cho (possibly even more as a hapless hero than as a nascent villain) and adding Athena and even a prepubescent Zeus to the mix was surprisingly effective. The creative tension there -- Amadeus' flustered charm, Hercules grinning certainty, the planning skills of Athena and Zeus' incredulity at it all ... that's good stuff. Really, though, the pacing could pick it up just a step.

Speaking of great ideas, Warren Ellis is chock full of them. Interdimensional flying vikings. Teleporting super powered busy female spy. How could you not love that? Ditto for Fables, which was good but likely also a little slow.

But to the meat of the matter -- no read pile? No bile and vitriol for anything, not even Transformers: Bumblebee or Phantom Stranger? No grudging nods for Incorruptible or Doctor Voodoo? Nah. Too much work, especially for my birthday. Easy to get back on the horse next week.

But yeah, that social networking thing? Crazy. Two days out, I already feel the pangs of it. In the elevator at work, I didn't reflexively click to Twitter on my phone. I turned off SMS updates from everybody -- no Tweets, no MySpace messages, nada. My phone has been eerily silent.

I'm not sure I dislike it.

But anyway, kind of introspective this week. I didn't get forty mil like Conan, but I'm okay, a year older and hopefully getting a little smarter as I go.

Playing (Music): "All The Above" by Maino feat. T-Pain

The Lost Buy Pile for December 30th, 2009 (Uncensored)

NOTE: It's not a big deal that CBR chose not to run my last Buy Pile column of 2009. I can count the weeks I've missed on two hands over the six plus years I've been doing this, so I was kind of peeved not to see it, but it's not like I was curing cancer or anything. Anyway, here it is, uncensored, in all its glory, CBR font tags left in because I'm too busy to fix it.

FRONT PAGE BLURB (yes, I write these as well)

Should auld acquaintance be forgot, as the year ends with proof that Namor needs to flap his ankle wings, some of the year's worst comics and trying to brighten up Blackest Night. Happy New Year to you too, pal ...

THE COLUMN

WHAT IS THE BUY PILE?

Every week Hannibal Tabu (journalist/blogger/novelist/poet/karaoke host/jackass on Twitter) goes to a comic book store called Comics Ink in Culver City, CA (Overland and Braddock -- hey Steve, Jason, Vince and Quislet) and grabs a whole lotta comics. These periodicals are quickly sorted (how?) into two piles -- the "buy" pile (a small pile most weeks, comprised of planned purchases) and the "read" pile (often huge, often including comics that are really crappy but have some value to stay abreast of). Thursday afternoons you'll be able to get his thoughts (and they're just the opinions of one guy, so calm down) about all of that ... which goes something like this ...

NOTE: There was only one new comic book sold in US comics shops this week due to reasons both complicated and stupid. Let's never speak of them again. So here's that ... and a few surprises ...

THE BUY PILE FOR DECEMBER 30TH, 2009

Blackest Night #6 (DC Comics)

Jump from the Read Pile. The only book sold on the last week of 2009 ... and it stinks. What's weird is that it doesn't stink in the big, showy way that the previous issue did. No, it goes about it in a workmanlike fashion, dutifully doing ridiculous things and pacing them through the narrative as though they shouldn't be the root cause for relentless mockery.

Why? Okay, let's get into that. First of all, Barry Allen grabs Hal Jordan's green power ring-created chain and runs fast enough to travel "two seconds into the future" to make the Black Lantern rings seeking their resurrected flesh. Wait, what? So ... the "emotional reaction" to Blackest Night Batman ... can be outrun? "As long as we don't jump out of our boots again," Allen said, "the rings won't have anything to grab onto" (no, that's not a word, let's not even get into that, the editors are overworked for the love of pie).

Then there's the weird technology side. A Black Lantern treated being possessed by Boston Brand like he was a digital virus and ejected him. Ganthet made some weird notation and alleged that all the rings are "all based on Oan technology" and "contain the same safeguard." Really? So when the Weaponers of the anti-matter world of Qward made those babies, they followed specs from Oa? Given that the Weaponers hated Oa and GLs in particular? Lemme see, I hate cars, lemme make this metal vehicle with four wheels in a rectangular pattern and send it out to battle them. Really? Wow.

Add in the stunt casting (more fantasy ball versions of "who gets a ring?"), another "color change" that was all too easy and a weird cover gallery of what look like "undead" issues of cancelled series, brought back to feed the crossover ... ugh. It's just distasteful, and ends the year on a bad note.

Wait, the book stinks ... why buy it? Well, it was (again) the only book on sale this week, and supporting your local comics shop is important. There's also ... well, we're getting ahead of ourselves. We'll discuss the other motives for wanting to be in the shop (and therefore supporting it) momentarily ...

WHAT'S THE PROGNOSIS

There were two freebies from the Mouse House of Ideas, "Origins of Siege" (which really has Norman Osborn playing out of his depth alongside some cute one page origin stories which simplify a great deal) and Marvel's 2010 calendar, with ads for a clearly reassembled Avengers (classic style), "Fall of the Hulks" and so on, but without art credits on the pin ups. Meh.

So ... four dollar stinker, meh freebies ... the end of 2009 is as bad as the Buy Pile's trusty smartphone falling down the stairs on the way in and breaking irrevocably. *sigh*

WINNERS AND LOSERS

Ah, here's where it gets interesting.

If you've kept up with the commentary tracks for this column (running over at The Hundred and Four, you'd know about the showdown between a school teacher and a lawyer over whether or not Namor needs to flap the wings on his ankles to fly.

First, back it up. Early in 2009, in a store full of customers on a Wednesday, The Counselor brought up the idea that Namor needed to flap the aforementioned ankle wings to fly. This was widely mocked and laughed at, especially given that The Counselor (a successful divorce lawyer) had apparently gotten housed on a Legion of Super-Heroes related discussion involving Quislet some time before. This time, however, he was determined. Week after week he came back, quoting some obscure panel ("Daredevil" this, Matt Cherniss' mini series that) and was rebuffed, ultimately given the word from another Comics Ink employee (Vince Moore of Comics Waiting Room fame) that a John Byrne panel proved Namor was just a crazy man in panties and could fly any darned well time he felt like it, flapping or no flapping.

However, Vince turned out to be the Kato Kaelin of this case, because further examination of the entirety of Byrne's Namor run (and that takes either dedication or insanity) proved that Vince had misread and misquoted and has since been shunned and mocked like the guy two guys back who climbed off of Madonna. The Counselor was given a new trial before an appellate court (presided over by this columnist with a jury of whoever comes in the shop for this madness) but had to present his case on a Wednesday before the end of 2009.

So ... well, it all went down today and it was big. Wrestlemania big. The Counselor stood with a stack of evidentiary exhibits, an eight page brief on his case and a fresh suit. The defense, a degenerate in deadbeat's clothes, simply flustered and tried to get his leather vest not to chafe. It was crazy. The whole PDF may go online, depending on how some emails might go. Keep watching that blog for updates (and videos, if we can get them off of Facebook). It's hard to try to encapsulate being there for such a show of comics scholarship (one of the finest examples this reviewer has ever seen that didn't involve the named Waid or Busiek), fanwankery (as he doesn't get paid for this) or sheer awesomeness (the wonderful juxtaposition of the two). Simply an outstanding moment to love comics and more than makes up for ... well, "Blackest Night" #6.

That's winners. Losers? Well, let's look at some of the worst comic books of 2009 ...

- "Ambush Bug Year None" #7, which actually seemed to hate the fans more than the last issue of "Wanted."

- "Captain America: Reborn" #4, with the Red Skull ... look, we can't even talk about it in detail because Cap's running around and the last issue of this mini still hides in the Mouse House of Ideas.

- "Adventure Comics" #5, which literally took Superboy Prime into the offices of DC Comics in a move so goofily meta that it made "Ex Machina" look like Tolstoy.

- "Fantastic Four" #567, with the dream sequence and the "Marquis of Death" and really, what's up with this run being so terrible, since "Nightly News" alone proved Jonathan Hickman's a freaking genius?

There were lots of bad comics -- "Nomad: Girl Without a World" leaps to mind, or maybe "Titans" as examples of books that hate America and hate puppies -- but these four were so abysmal that even cursory glances over the reviews in question could cause nausea.

So there's that. Happy new year, pal.

THE BUSINESS

Got a comic you think should be reviewed in The Buy Pile? If we get a PDF of a fairly normal length comic (i.e. "less than 64 pages") by no later than 24 hours before the actual issue arrives in stores (and sorry, we can only review comics people can go to stores and buy), we guarantee the work will get reviewed, if remembered. Physical comics? Geddouttahere. Too much drama to store with diminishing resources. If you send it in more than two days before comics come out, the possibility of it being forgotten increases exponentially.

There are now two official ways to get Hannibal Tabu's blog-related wisdom. For all personal things, there's Hannibal's relaunched Soapbox and for his views on the weird, wild world there's The Hundred and Four.

Playing (Music): "Hard" by Rihanna feat. Young Jeezy ('cause that Hannibal reign just won't let up)

Failed Comics: Reasons

NOTE: I've been working on the idea of getting some comics done for many, many years. I've never gotten anything done, due to flaky artists, inconsistent publishing companies and not trying hard enough to make comics instead of, say, making money. This is one of my ideas, a short comic that was supposed to be a collaboration with a friend so we could have stuff to show at conventions, written back in early 2005. It may never get done. So be it. I can write stuff, though, and when I don't use it ... it's saddening. Go now, little comics script! Be free! As long as my name's on you!

PAGE ONE: One Panel

PANEL 1 - Opening scene, one panel splash. Perspective shot looking
down on a "bodega" styled corner store, with a square counter on the
lower left of the panel, open front door. Two POLICE OFFICERS are
near the right, one at the door watching the street, one looking at
gum near the counter. SHOPKEEPER stands pleasantly behind the
counter, reading the latest issue of PERSON magazine. It's bright
daylight outside, despite the streets being covered with snow, and
the store is crowded and a little bit dingy.

DIALOGUE:
TITLE: OUT OF CONTEXT: REASONS
TITLE: | WORDS: HANNIBAL TABU | VISUALS: [ARTIST NAME REMOVED TO PROTECT THE PERSON'S IDENTITY] |
CAPTION: (letterer, please place in lower right hand corner)
OUT OF CONTEXT CREATED BY HANNIBAL TABU, "OUT OF CONTEXT: REASONS"
CREATED BY HANNIBAL TABU AND [ARTIST NAME REMOVED TO PROTECT THE PERSON'S IDENTITY]
1 - POLICE OFFICER (nearer): YOU'RE OUTTA THE MIXED FRUIT
CERTS HERE ...

PAGE TWO: Three Panels

PANEL 1 - First of three long horizontal panels. Shows close up on POLICE OFFICER (near)'s hand, holding a pack of DENTYNE gum. He's in soft focus, while down the nearby aisle (there are three aisles in the bodega, leading to the back wall) you should see PRETTY GIRL (our Nicole Wray takeoff) reading the back of a box of POP TARTS with deep concentration while holding the stick of a lolly pop (which is in her mouth). She should be visible in profile, with all her curves visible, and her puffy bomber stopping just short of her waistline.

DIALOGUE:
1 - SHOPKEEPER: (from off panel) SO SORRY, WILL HAVE MORE ON TUESDAY.

PANEL 2 - Flip perspective, close up on PRETTY GIRL's hand, holding POP TARTS, seeing POLICE OFFICER (near) with his mouth hanging open slightly, looking at PRETTY GIRL. You should see the store's window, with "GROCERY/LOTTO" in reverse type in the glass, and large, thug looking BLACK GUYS walking by outside (we'll see them again on page nine) from right to left.

DIALOGUE:
2 - POLICE OFFICER (farther): (from off panel) HEY, DAVE! THEY GOT THOSE ICE GUM THINGS, LIKE ON TV?

PANEL 3 - Flip perspective back, close up on PRETTY GIRL's face, lolly pop pulled half way out of her mouth, with her lips still around the sphere of it, just a hint of her tongue visible on the bottom side. She's smiling a little, a plan glimmering in her droopy-lidded eyes, her gaze locked on POLICE OFFICER (near).

DIALOGUE:
3 - POLICE OFFICER (farther): (from off panel) DAVE?

PAGE THREE: Five Panels

PANEL 1 - Shown from right of POLICE OFFICER (near), PRETTY GIRL has already set down the Pop Tarts and is walking slinkily towards Police officer, swinging one arm and holding lolly pop stick in place with other hand, eyes looking him up and down. The camera angle should still show some of the grocery items on the aisle next to them (on his right and her left).

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 2 - PRETTY GIRL is standing directly in front of POLICE OFFICER (near), head bowed as she looks over her lashes at him coquettishly, while he smiles bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck with his left hand.

DIALOGUE:
1 - POLICE OFFICER (near): UH ...

PANEL 3 - Same panel and camera angle, except PRETTY GIRL is now looking over right shoulder of POLICE OFFICER (near) with a wide-eyed look of shock and fear.

DIALOGUE:
2 - POLICE OFFICER (near): MORNING ... WHAT ... WHAT IS IT?

PANEL 4 - POLICE OFFICER (near) turns and looks over his shoulder, doesn't hear soft clicking from direction of PRETTY GIRL.

DIALOGUE:
3 - POLICE OFFICER (near): DID YOU SEE SOMETHING?
EFX (soft): CLICK

PANEL 5 - Same angle from Panels 2 and 3, except now PRETTY GIRL has a Desert Eagle aimed at head of POLICE OFFICER (near). the Desert Eagle is a large freaking pistol, a .50 caliber handgun, and should look really big in her dainty hands, but she has no trepidation nor problem in controlling it.

DIALOGUE:
5 - POLICE OFFICER (near): ...

PAGE 4: One Panel

PANEL 1 - Single page splash, PRETTY GIRL pulls trigger, bullet explodes head of cop. I leave it to your discretion on how graphic to get, or if you wanna do an explosion effect and be subtle with it, as this is pretty much our "money shot" visual page.

DIALOGUE:
EFX: KA-BLAM!

PAGE 5: Five Panels

PANEL 1 - POLICE OFFICER (farther) panics, fumbling for his sidearm, standing just inside doorway. SHOPKEEPER is panicked as well, diving for cover behind the counter (which should be just barely in sight on left side of panel)

DIALOGUE:
1 - POLICE OFFICER (farther): JESUS, DAVE! FREEZE ...

PANEL 2 - Close cropped shot on PRETTY GIRL, drawing a bead on POLICE OFFICER (farther). Her right eye is closed as she aims through the pistol's sight with her left eye, and her tongue is sticking out the left side of her mouth, angling downwards, as she concentrates. You should, at this point, see her leaning slightly to her left (panel right) and be able to see the shoulder holster, one that holds the gun parallel to the ground instead of barrel down, hanging underneath her coat. POLICE OFFICER (near) should still be halfway down in his descent to the floor (which should show that all of this is happening very fast, your call on how much of this to show).

DIALOGUE:
2 - POLICE OFFICER (farther): ... DROP YOUR ...

PANEL 3 - Framed shot of POLICE OFFICER (farther) falling backwards, smashing into shelves on wall, filled with rows of canned vegetables (any generic east coast brand you're familiar with). In this panel, he's been shot at the base of his neck on his left hand side (panel right), with a spurt of blood flying out from the impact.

DIALOGUE:
EFX: KA-BLAM!
3 - POLICE OFFICER (farther): ... WEAP ... AAAAAGH!

PANEL 4 - Same camera angle, less than a second later, lots of cans falling down on POLICE OFFICER (farther), as a second shot blasts a hole into his head, his police cap falling harmlessly off to his right (panel left).

DIALOGUE:
EFX: KA-BLAM!
4 - POLICE OFFICER (farther): ... NO, GAAAAAH!

PANEL 5 - Camera angle switches to floor level, looking from stance of PRETTY GIRL through her knee-high laced boots (kind of like that James Bond poster with the girls legs framing the shot), seeing fallen body of POLICE OFFICER (near) on floor in foreground (two spent bullet casings should be resting on his body) and slumped body of POLICE OFFICER (farther), with grocery displays toppled, cans strewn everywhere, gum and sodas spilled on the floor. Outside the door you can almost make out the bustle of people running in fear from the tumult.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PAGE SIX: Four Panels

PANEL 1 - Profile shot from slightly above and to the right of PRETTY GIRL, now holding her smoking Desert Eagle straight up and glancing to her left (away from the camera) at SHOPKEEPER cowering behind the counter. SHOPKEEPER is looking, wide eyed and shaking, at PRETTY GIRL.

DIALOGUE:
1 - STREET CHATTER: (from off panel) ... THE HELL WAS THAT?
2 - STREET CHATTER: (from off panel) ... FROM INSIDE THE STORE,
I ...
3 - STREET CHATTER: (from off panel) ... MAN, I'M GETTING THE
...

PANEL 2 - Straight on shot of PRETTY GIRL, head down, putting the Desert Eagle back in the holster. It's a shot that shows a lot of the definition of her torso -- taut abs, perky but not large breasts, slightly frayed edge of her tank top cutting off a half inch above her navel. A gold herringbone chain should also be visible, with a charm hanging from it that looks like the scales of a Libra, but with the left side dipping low. The shadow of her lolly pop stick should fall across the higher right side of the charm.

DIALOGUE:
4 - STREET CHATTER: (from off panel) ... THINK I HEARD SHOTS ...
5 - STREET CHATTER: (from off panel) ... BABY, I'M OKAY, JUST
...

PANEL 3 - Walking slinkily again, switching her hips, PRETTY GIRL is seen from the rear, walking out, now half way between the door and her point of origin. Her right hand holds the lolly pop, the left up in the air, and should be shown as the point of origin for a flung stack of bills, held in a rubber band, flying towards the counter.

DIALOGUE:
6 - PRETTY GIRL: SORRY ABOUT THE MESS.

PANEL 4 - Close up on the counter, with the stack of bills ($100 bills, folded once, wrapped in a wide rubber band) lying on the counter, SHOPKEEPER's bugged eyes just visible over the edge of the counter.

DIALOGUE:
7 - STREET CHATTER: (from off panel) ... THOUGHT I SAW SOME COPS ...

PAGE SEVEN: Six Panels

PANEL 1 - Two bundled people, I don't care what they look like. Close up, looking between their shoulders. One is holding the day's paper, which has a blown up shot of PRETTY GIRL holding the gun and glancing at the shopkeeper, on the front page under a headline that reads DIRTY HARRIET? Photo takes up four columns of the six column spread, and dominates center. Oh, and paper is folded in half. The two people should be talking to one another as they walk along a snowy street, one should be pointing concernedly to the photo while the other watches, frowning.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 2 - Police locker room. Men of every ethnicity standing around in towels, half-in and half-out of uniform, and so on. In front of the locker closest to the reader, there's a bunch of flowers. One tubby Black officer, shaven headed and wearing just a towel and his wedding ring, should be looking at the flowers with dread. He should be standing in the image's foreground.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 3 - Shot of the front of the bodega that started all this mess. SHOPKEEPER is closing up the store for the night, his breath a cloud of frosty air in front of his face, looking nervously over his shoulder as he fumbles with the padlock on the security door (one of those drop down metal numbers). You should just be able to make out a bulge under his coat that could be a gun. Snow is falling gently.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 4 - Same shot, but from above, with a bespectacled old Asian woman looking down through a frosted window at SHOPKEEPER and clutching the chest of her shirt, scared for her own life. One hand, however, is reaching to drop down the curtains so she can shut off the world. The glow of her television behind her can be seen, illuminating the floral prints on her shirt and apron.

DIALOGUE:
CAPTION: ... NO CLOSER TO FINDING THE SHOOTER AFTER TWO DAYS ...

PANEL 5 - Community meeting, featuring brothers in dashikis with dreadlocks huddled together meaningfully, dookie-braided hoodrats trying to get their act together while they set out punch and sandwiches. A banner should hang in the background that should not be wholly visible, but if it were it would say "PEOPLE'S REVOLUTIONARY PARTY." In the foreground of the shot, a brother (who should look a lot like either me or you, I'm not picky) is sitting by himself in a row of folding chairs (there's two rows behind him, and rows ahead of him out of perspective), reading the paper.

DIALOGUE:
1 - BROTHER: (thoughtfully, to himself) HANDLE THAT, SIS ...

PANEL 6 - Grainy television, slanted slightly to the right, away from the reader. On the screen is a "LIVE" news report (pick a channel, I don't care) showing a middle aged guy in a black trench coat and gloves, gesticulating angrily at a listening crowd. The guy's behind a podium, with uniformed police forming a wall behind him. On screen he's identified as Mayor Don Fleet (feel free to base him on your own mayor if need be, or get creative).

DIALOGUE:
CAPTION: "... AND MAYOR FLEET VOWED JUSTICE WILL RETURN TO OUR STREETS ..."

PAGE EIGHT: One Panel

PANEL 1 - Full page splash, huge crowd scene/press conference on courthouse/city council steps (whatever big government building you have with steps, that's what we want), similar to scene on page seven panel one. TV cameras, reporters holding out tape recorders, boom microphones and tons of normal people crushed in, looking for answers. On the steps, there's a podium, behind which MAYOR FLEET speaks to the crowd, into microphones with logos for ABC, CNN, FOX, NBC, CBS. Behind the MAYOR stands POLICE COMMISSIONER (an older, balding black man with a bushy mustache in a suit that fit him two years ago, watching the crowd), POLICE CHIEF (an older white guy, salt and pepper hair, in full uniform and wearing the cap, a grim expression on his hawkish face as he listens attentively) and six FUNCTIONARIES (boring people of whatever ethic mix you like, in suits) looking nervous but vigilant.

DIALOGUE:
1 - MAYOR FLEET: ... WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS KIND OF INJUSTICE IN OUR CITY! WE WILL FIND THE REASONS FOR THIS SENSELESS CRIME!
2 - MAYOR FLEET: CHIEF MCGARRETT HAS EVERY AVAILABLE RESOURCE TASKED TO FINDING THIS DANGEROUS CRIMINAL! WE WILL NOT REST UNTIL ALL CITIZENS ARE SAFE AGAIN!

PAGE NINE: Three Panels

PANEL 1 - Basic walk-up apartment of the type that dominates many east coast cities. In foreground of shot, there's a round table with four THUGS playing dominoes and laughing. Again, I don't have very strong preferences for these guys, but none of 'em should be less than six feet tall or weigh less than 190 lbs. Maybe a hoodie on two of them. THE MAYOR's press conference from the last page is playing on the TV behind the THUG in the back of the panel (henceforth THUG CENTER), and he should be leaned back laughing. Off to the left of the panel, you can see into the kitchen where AUNTIE, an older black woman with an immaculate white afro, an apron and an almost June Cleaver-styled flowered dress and a big beaded necklace like X-Clan used to wear is washing dishes in a sink, with a window right in front of her, looking out of the building. From the angle of sunlight coming in the window, it's mid afternoon. A Glock 40 pistol is clearly visible on the table, to the side of the dominoes.

DIALOGUE:
1 - THUG ON PANEL LEFT: ... BABY GIRL WAS LIKE, "KA-PLOW!" ALL UP IN DUDE'S GRILL!
2 - THUG ON PANEL RIGHT: YEAH YEAH, SHE BROUGHT THE PAIN LIKE METH!

PANEL 2 - Same panel, but with THUG CENTER's head down, still laughing.

DIALOGUE:
3 - AUNTIE: SHAME Y'ALL AIN'T MAN ENOUGH TO DO THE JOB ...
4 - AUNTIE: ... GOT LITTLE SISTERS OUT THERE FIGHTIN' THE REVOLUTION!

PANEL 3 - Same panel, but with each THUG looking at the others like "Aw, man, she's right!"

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PAGE TEN: Two Panels

PANEL 1 - Shot of the front door of the building, with THUGS, now each holding a weapon, barreling down the steps with grim intent.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 2 - Same exact shot, but this time as if it was on the screen of a monitor, slanted to the right and away from the reader.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PAGE ELEVEN: Two Panels

PANEL 1 - Drawing back from last panel, now see that the shot is on a monitor in a bank of them, all sitting on a counter-like console with an array of mysterious buttons and lights and indicators and shit. There's a four inch raised border on the edge of the console. On the right side, you can just barely see the elbow of PRETTY GIRL's jacket, leaned on that raised console edge.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 2 - Pulled back all the way, to see that this is the inside of the bridge on a space ship, with Earth floating serenely in a viewscreen behind and to the right of PRETTY GIRL, who sits in a chair angled slightly towards the reader, her right arm on the console and her left resting daintily on her hip, blowing a bubble of gum. The cabin has tons of wacky instruments and stuff, hanging from ceilings and stuck out of the floor that defy explanation. Another console can be seen in the distance behind her, and the big view screen is over that.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PAGE TWELVE: Seven Panels

PANEL 1 - Long horizontal panel across top of page. Shows PRETTY GIRL, from chest up, straight on, her face illuminated by the display and console, her bubble popped. You can see top of ALIEN'S head as he approaches.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 2 - Long horizontal panel, identical in size to previous one. Behind her now stands an ALIEN (again, your discretion how weird to get, but this is not a bipedal humanoid and should not even have a very recognizable shape), who's looking at the display as well.

DIALOGUE:
1 - ALIEN (in strange typeface): WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THINGS LIKE THAT?

PANEL 3 - One of three identical sized square panels which form a single horizontal row of images. Shows PRETTY GIRL's face turned to look at ALIEN (now off panel, his face as the perspective of the shot), grinning madly.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 4 - Same shot, as transformation from PRETTY GIRL to another ALIEN is half-way complete. It's like a shapeshift, morphing kind of effect. Really kind of nasty. Her clothes and stuff are being absorbed into the new, shapeshifted body.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 4 - Same shot, as PRETTY GIRL is now fully an ALIEN, still "grinning" disturbingly.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 6 - Long horizontal panel, same shot as Panel 2, but now they're both ALIENS.

DIALOGUE:
2 - PRETTY GIRL/ALIEN (in strange typeface): I'VE GOTTA DO SOMETHING FOR FUN, DON'T I?

PANEL 7 - Long horizontal panel across bottom of page. All black.

DIALOGUE:
TITLE: END

Watching (Hulu.com): Better Off Ted, "The Great Repression"

Commentary Track for December 31st Buy Pile Reviews (UPDATED WITH VIDEO)

There's actually a lotta discussion and thought that goes into this week's review(s), so there's not much that needs to be said ... but the images are needed.

The management at CBR isn't sure this week's column will be posted as is and on schedule. If you see a link in this paragraph, all was well, and if you see a note with a link, all was wonky. If you see no link, well, the "director's cut" will eventually run here. (NOTE: The column didn't run. I'm gonna invoice 'em for it anyway. Screw that noise ...)

Anyhoo, with the exception of the last image shown here, photos are courtesy of Isaac S. Lew and Jason Thompson (where noted), who hopefully will send over videos that can be added shortly ... (NOTE: Videos came in after press time, but they're included here now, due to sheer awesomeness)

In any case, here's the photos ...

The Counselor, presenting his case

Photo by Isaac S. Lew

About a half dozen people gathered around to hear what he had to say.

The Counselor (known as "Da King" or "Your Majesty" to the newly named Quislet) presents his case

Video by Isaac S. Lew

Another view of "the courtroom"
Photo by Jason D. Thompson

Most were awed by the disturbing volume of his scholarship as well as the relentless clarity of his points. Some just cracked up laughing.

A serious presentation of the facts

Photo by Isaac S. Lew

Take any term paper every written, anywhere. This is more serious than that. It's like some Johnnie Cochrane stuff. The burden of proof was just a start of things, before the real smack down. It was some top rope, elbow-tapping, vengeful god stuff. Also known as "awesome."

The body of evidence

Photo by Isaac S. Lew

Roy Thomas to Matt Cherniss to Stan Lee, covering every era of comics from the Invaders to the Initiative. Wow.

He said he was scanning and blowing up images in preparation for this at home, and his wife got all Seth Meyers on him and was like, "Really?" It'd be worth it to get a photo of that expression.

Presiding over this madness, Hannibal drove rapidly through LA screaming "HERE COMES JUSTICE!"

Photo by Isaac S. Lew

My stepdaughter was warming up for her second Kwanzaa show performance this week, my wife was struggling with some pregnancy related issues (probably some stuff on the Soapbox about that sooner or later). It was hard to be parted from the family to rule on such a goofy matter, but The Counselor made it a show worth seeing.

The man formerly known as Adam K, sometimes known as little girl's names, but henceforth known as QUISLET, admitting his complete loss

Photo by Hannibal Tabu

Part of the final ruling was that Quislet here had to be known as "Quislet" as an ironic bit of comeuppance for his earlier "victory," and has to refer to The Counselor exclusively as "The King" or "Your Majesty" for no fewer than five years. Oh, would you like to see the final judgement? We can do that ... Sandy, can we roll that clip?

His Honor Hannibal Tabu stands ready to render judgement.

Video by Isaac S. Lew

Hopefully some sign of this great achievement will be recorded on the Comics Ink wall, but store owner Steve is more about finance than jurisprudence.

Less a battle and more of a felonious assault, The Counselor was like Thor and Quislet here was like Marvin's cape on the old Superfriends show. Not even close.

Can't get enough? Download the eight page PDF of the brief -- well worth your time.

Playing (Music): "Bedroom Lites" by Idle Warship

Commentary Track for December 24th Buy Pile Reviews

Before we get started, I wrote a blog last week about (among other things) my problem about "Blackest Night," and somebody might come looking for it. Lemme look at my noted here ... crap, can't read my own handwriting. Somebody with a ... "tod complex?" "bod complex?" Something like that. Anyway, that's here, so good luck with that.

At the time I'm writing this, I don't have a link, as the column won't post for a few hours (it's 3:58 AM). However, I had to write about something important (well, as comics go) ...

Clash of the Nutjobs

Shown here are "Sally" (the school teacher some know as Adam K. and the comics retail clerk I routinely call little girls names) and a lawyer who'd probably prefer to keep his name out of all of this craziness.

Anyway, the lawyer (let's call him Counselor, for argument's sake) believes that Namor needs to flap those ridiculous little wings on his ankles in order to fly. Most of the people at the shop (and likely the world) believe that's crazy -- Namor flies because he's a flying mutant. He thinks he can fly, therefore he does. Flapping the wings makes no difference.

This argument was allegedly settled early this year when Vince Moore (another retailer at the store and a writer/editor/columnist/man about town) pulled out some John Byrne-penned "proof" that Namor was a delusional nutbag and could fly irrespective of his ankle wings. However, The Counselor's further research found Vince's "proof" to be as factual as Obama's claims that he didn't campaign for a public option and the "verdict" was overturned.

Thanks to a ruling from store owner, Steve LeClaire, the Counselor has until the end of 2009 to present his case to a quorum of comics fans and "authorities" at Comics Ink or he shall forever be shunned and mocked.

Next Wednesday, Diamond Comics and UPS can't get their act together and no comics will ship. Only one new comic book will be on sale in US shops -- some "Blackest Night" book. However, at 5PM, on the corner of Overland and Braddock in Culver City, CA, The Counselor will present his case to either emerge covered in triumphant glory or derision and shame.

Unless a new baby appears sometime around then, I will be there, serving likely as a jurist.

So there's that. Now, commentary about this week's comics:

I was shocked to see Marvel dominate both the "super crappy" and "not so bad" sections simultaneously, which is quite a feat and normally needs event comics to accomplish. I like the work of so many of these writers -- Fear Agent from Remender, Jonathan Hickman's amazing work on The Nightly News, Pax Romana and Transhuman, just for example. But this stuff ... it's really scary how bad it is. That means any good writer can turn in crap. That's frightening. I've gotta work harder at my stuff ...

Also, "Necrosha/Blackest Night?" I need the Armageddon/Deep Impact stuff to not happen, 'kay?

Now, a quick bit on Unknown Soldier. Despite the fact that the writer's dead to me now, the graphic novel was freaking amazing, and really redefined the property. However, sending this property -- which had heavy US ties in its mythos -- to an African country with no clear goals nor direction ... well, that's always been a bit weird to me. The whole reason the graphic novel worked so well was that the Soldier knew who he was and why -- an instrument of policy, a tool to achieve goals. This guy seems to have more of Christopher Chance's malaise (as presented by Peter Milligan) and that's ... hard to catch up with. I'm always interested, because (even though there are zero Black creators on this book -- sigh) Black characters in comics are always going to at least get my eyebrow to raise with interest.

However, on charm, I can't say enough of how much I enjoy reading Amadeus Cho, who's a morally gray character who feels no real desire to choose sides. I can relate to that. Heroism or villainy depend on mood and what's happening that day. His pairing with the "scoundrel" styled charm of Hercules could only be topped by a Layla Miller or Valeria Richards. I really hope to see more of the character as the years go on, maybe even some mentoring from Jimmy Woo.

Now, as I have the day off and would like to actually do some writing for myself for a change (as well as Audio Hijacking all of my favorite songs from The Sing Off), I bid you adieu. I will report back from the Namor showdown next week, and as always keep an eye on The Operative Network for baby news.

Playing (Music): "Popular Demand" by Lupe Fiasco

Commentary Track for The Buy Pile, December 16, 2008 (or "The Great Sadness")

All righty, you know the deal. I do commentary tracks for the latest set of reviews. Some housekeeping before I get to all that ...

- Two weeks from now, only one comic book will be sold in the US, due to Diamond and UPS not being able to get their act together, so they're blowing off the whole week. Which means a lot of comics creators can't make any money that week. What can brown not do for you? *sigh* *facepalm*

- My wife is pregnant, and our baby's due date was last Friday. So I could disappear at any time, and that's why. I'll be back. Don't panic.

Let's get it on.

I'm noticing that I feel like I buy a lot more Marvel books than DC books. I'm going to get into a little of why that is in a bit, but it's one of the first things on my mind this week.

Now, I'm very happy to be enjoying Jonathan Maberry's Black Panther series, and I'm very excited at the big name cast -- old favorites for T'Challa, but rarely all together -- going on here. I do wish that, given Doom's involvement in Siege, that it looked like things will connect more effect across the platform (I doubt it at this point)but the story itself is enjoyable and I swear that if Marvel.com had a weekly column from the two Wakandan pundits, I would read it religiously and set the RSS feed for my aggregator.

It's hard for me with G.I. Joe comics, because so many times I want to buy and love a G.I. Joe comic based on my love for the property and so many of the characters, but the stories sometimes don't stand up. This one may have had some cliched elements, but it was very strong and very smart -- Chuck Dixon knows his stuff. The undercurrent of Cobra being a mystery and sneaky and largely unknown is pretty smart. I don't know how that plays out once there's open combat between the parties, but still it's pretty cool.

We also got (finally) a better look at what the Sentry can actually do and find out why, which is fantastic in that he can really be somebody. His lunacy's a great limiter for his overwhelming power, and now his power makes a kind of sense. I was really tired of the Sentry getting housed by everybody short of Squirrel Girl every other week, so this was a pleasant surprise.

I think I figured out Power Girl's problem, and Vartox almost solved it. Power Girl is somewhat ridiculous. Going with that is a good thing. Standing next to Magog and Jay Garrick, you can play her straight, but by herself she's an almost ludicrous character and that's not a bad thing. Watching her go back and forth with this spaceborne lothario was the most interested I've been with this character in years, but she wasn't exasperated enough and didn't go far enough in her responses to him. Until Ms. Marvel became the ruthless Karla Sofen, I felt kind of the same way. It's hard to make these kind of cookie cutter characters breathe, but I believe it's doable once you find their slant. Ms. Marvel, with a military background, has room to be hard core. Power Girl? She needs to give in to her inner ridiculousness.

Okay, now here's what I've been thinking about most of the week. I've been getting some ... well, frankly misinformed criticisms about me personally and my work in general that I found tiresome. Here's the facts: I have hated almost every bit of the "Blackest Night" crossover so far. My reasons are myriad: if the Green Lantern ring was to be the ultimate weapon in the universe, now saying that there are essentially six more corps of people with similar shticks (acknowledging that the Blue Lanterns have no tactical ability and that the Indigo whatever-they-ares are a tribe that's not that big nor accepting applications) robs that weapon of its specialness and its ability, really. Green Lanterns have pulled planets with their rings (albeit with help sometimes), so if Sinestro Corps members or Red Lanterns (which all seem as numerous as GLs) or Agent Orange can do all that, especially since most of the new corps lack the oversight/backup of their own Guardian equivalents ... that's just kind of lame in my mind. It just is. In one or two books, fine, but this is a line wide crossover, so the lameness has spilled on to books that could have been better (Doom Patrol for example, or even The Outsiders). I don't like that. Also, with the recent dramas of Guy Gardner, even the color "doesn't matter" so much. You're Green today, no, you're red, and he's Blue, no, wait, he's plaid ... ick. It'd even be better if the rings had different effects -- yellow rings induced fear or created frightening things, red ones were exclusively concussive, and so on.

However, some -- in the store, on Twitter, in general life -- believe that I "hate Green Lantern so much" and maybe I've never "given it a positive review." Well, that's the kind of misinformation that tires me out. How about these apples: Green Lantern Corps #6 on November 15, 2006; Green Lantern Corps #8 on January 10, 2007; Green Lantern Corps #9 on Valentine's Day 2007, Green Lantern Sinestro Corps Special #1 on June 27, 2007, Green Lantern #21 on July 11, 2007, Green Lantern #22 on August 8, 2007; Green Lantern Corps #16 and Tales of the Sinestro Corps: Cyborg Superman #1 on October 3, 2007; Green Lantern Corps #17 on October 24, 2007; Green Lantern Corps #18 on November 29, 2007; the extraordinarily mean (in a good way) Green Lantern Corps #27 from August 12, 2008; the extraordinarily creepy Green Lantern Corps #31 from December 10, 2008; Green Lantern Corps #34 on March 11, 2009; Green Lantern Corps #38 on July 1, 2009;Green Lantern #44 on July 22, 2009 (which was actually a "Blackest Night" crossover issue, one of the very few I've found some ability to enjoy); and Green Lantern #46 on October 1, 2009 (loved Sinestro's work here). Those are all fairly good "Honorable Mentions" reviews (I omitted ones that were less forgiving, as there were a couple that weren't as positive), and I just had to do a BBEdit search on my MacBook Pro for them.

Oh, and while we're at it, I bought and enjoyed Green Lantern/Sinestro Corps Secret Files & Origins (I normally don't buy SF&O because they lack detail, but "what it lacks in statistical figures it makes up for in sheer volume of data." Another? On September 10, 2009 I also bought Green Lantern Corps #28, which Neil Tomasi did a great script for. That's two more issues than I've bought many, many other properties.

Here's the thing people don't understand: when I pick up a comic book, I want to like it. I have an honest desire to buy virtually every book I pull off the shelves. My most heartfelt wish is that I'll open whatever's in my hand and it will pull me inside, it will thrill and fascinate and challenge and intrigue and entice me until I can't deny it, go ahead and buy it, take it home and read with glee (yes, I did a Nate Dogg riff there, it was largely accidental ... and no, not Glee on TV because I watch that on Hulu the day after, when it's on). Dude, I freaking love comics and I want them to be good.

Moreover, I love the basic idea of Green Lantern. A wishing ring (as noted by Daniel the Sandman), fueled by will power, that can do virtually anything? Standing as part of a pan-galactic force of peacekeepers with a solemn oath and a legacy spanning millennia? That's freaking awesome! I have at least two Green Lantern shirts, I can still recite the oath from memory from learning it at age 10 (I'll be 37 next month) ... the idea that I hate Green Lantern is insane.

What I hate is the storytelling. I have the same problem with Superman, the same problem with The Sentry, the same problem with The Authority, the same problem with Invincible. Love the property, find the storytelling doesn't cut it, and in the case of Green Lanterns, the story has gotten so big and so fannish and so annoying that it's inspired an all new level of hatred.

One fueled by sadness.

One very personal attack asked if the writer of the comic had stolen my girlfriend. The answer is no. I don't have a personal beef against any single comics writer. I have a lot of beefs with the writing of comics writers, but the people themselves are different. I don't know these people. I've met one or two, but by and large they stay out of South Central Los Angeles and I stay out of wherever the hell they are and we're all apparently fine with that. None of them got picked over me with a comics pitch, none of them kept me from getting work, and short of one Detective Comics backup story I sent to Bob Shreck, I have never sent in a comic book pitch to one of the Big Two. It can't be personal if people don't know each other. Perfect example: many years I was very, very vocal about the work of one writer. He got very upset about it (or so I was told, as I've never spoken live with the man). His friends, other pros got upset, and some even talked to me about it. I never relented. He kept working, and improved his craft. I've since bought his (improved) comics and had good things to say about examples of his work in public and private. He's befriended me on Facebook and I follow him on Twitter. No beef. It's not about the people, it's about the comics, and the juvenile personal insults I've received -- often from people who don't know me, don't know the makers of these works, don't own or receive any financial benefit from these works -- are ... well, kind of sad, too.

So I read Green Lantern and Superman and weird indies I've never heard of before and Transformers and even Captain America because I want to, and I want it to thrill me, even in the face of overwhelming evidence that they won't. I don't think that's so much to ask, especially because sometimes I'm surprised and it's one of the best feelings in the world.

So there's that.

Too much to do, off I go.

Watching (Hulu): The Sing Off

Commentary Track for the Buy Pile from 12/04/09

One more time like Daft Punk was playing ...

I think these need to be quicker. I do like the discipline -- a blog a week -- and it doesn't feel like too much extra work after the column.

What's extra weird? Stayed up late into Thursday morning to get this week's reviews done, only to find out CBR doesn't publish the last Thursday of November due to some archaic tradition. Weird.

Enough meta blather, on with the business!

I can't even talk about how excited I am about Dingo as a comic book. I did notice that it only has four issues to jam in all of the brilliance that's there, but issue #1 hit a lot of points and the actual novelist is writing the adaptation, so I'm completely on board. If it lets me down, well, that'll be a tragedy, but let's consider it a good start and move on.

I've been talking with a casual comics fan about how excited he is about the rise of Norman Osborn. This is a mostly DC-related guy who for a variety of personal reasons doesn't go to a comics shop every week. However, just from what he's seen in the brilliant Invincible Iron Man (brought to you from the mind of Matt Fraction) and the very scant Dark Avengers books I've grabbed, he's hooked. Sure, all the way back to Jemas, I've said some negative things about the Mouse House of Ideas, but as crossovers go, ones that inspire great storytelling and can win people over, "Norman Osborn as America's top cop" is doing the job in a major way.

Honestly? I really want Supergod to stand up and blow my socks off. Seriously. It feels like it could be big, but it just keeps yammering on and on and doesn't make the events mean anything to anybody. The academic-sounding narrator doesn't have a lick of character, and therefore there's no way to connect to the story. Super disappointing.

I've been friends with David Gallaher for a number of years now, and I did my best to like his "big two" debut. Sadly, the comic didn't give him enough room to shine, even with the great stuff he jammed in there. However, how the heck did the Red Guardian go from being "an engineer" to now being one of "the world's foremost experts in engineering."

The Sentry. Seriously? He makes me sad.

I guess I don't have much more to add, but those are the high points. Super sleepy because the oncoming baby is preceded by sleeplessness and lethargy. Excelsior, all.

Playing (Music): "In-A-Gadda-Da-Blue-Monday" mash-up with Orgy vs. Iron Butterfly (by DJ Schmolli)

The Next Generation

You can sit around and say I've gone soft and domestic all you want, but new faces and young minds in comic book shops is all the industry has between itself and slow, painful obsolescence. Respect due.

Shown here, "Sally" (I call school teacher and part time comics retailer Adam K. exclusively by little girls' names) is taking some time with some brand new customers interested in the legends of yore -- The Bat, The Spider, and so on. Pass the torch, y'all.

Playing (Music): "Sincerity" by Mary J. Blige feat. DMX and Nas

Director's Commentary on The Buy Pile for October 29, 2009

Director's commentary for The Buy Pile this week? Sure, why not?

Dark Reign: The List - Wolverine: I have to admit, I've been a fan of Noh-Varr since the Morrison/Jones mini-series, and I don't really think he's been properly utilized since. Well, except here. Since Fantomex is another Morrison creation, they have a great natural synergy, and that's good stuff. Plus, their personalities (as Jason Aaron shows) can work well. I could imagine a team-up mini-series with these two, maybe even a movie franchise. All I know is, I'd love to see more of them working together, especially since Noh-Varr essentially doesn't have anything else to do with his time. I will admit, I was bothered that there wasn't a bigger public notice of one of Osborn's premiere "heroes" going AWOL, but whatever.

Astro City: Astra Special #2: Same basic comment as always: "more please!" Another world I would love to just walk around in, as rich and as well-developed as Fables, in its way. I have no idea why Busiek and Anderson don't just live in these stories -- financial reasons, probably, but I honestly don't know -- but I never want them to stop. Aw, that just made me miss Top 10 a little, since it felt the same way.

The Incredible Hercules #137: I can't say enough about how much I enjoy Amadeus Cho. He's like a precursor for Destiny from Genius where the line between "hero" and "villain" for the character is often hard to find, much less choose a side. Moreover, for Marvel, between Amadeus Cho and Jimmy Woo, Marvel is putting together some pretty happening Asian characters. Like Cage almost stopped embarrassing me all the time, too. I won't beat the "creators of color" drum given that Greg Pak was given a free hand here, but it hangs in the back of my mind.

Jack of Fables #39: ... honestly? I need this series to be funnier. I still like it, I'm liking the almost Noh-Varr vibe I'm getting from the new Jack Frost, but the "funny" counterpoint to the "serious" Fables was a perfect balance. Still really good, but not quite there yet.

Nova #30: This series and Guardians of the Galaxy are so close almost every month. In better economical times, it'd be easy to just lower the bar an inch and let 'em in. Darned global economic downturn! I like the development of Richard Ryder as a leader of men, almost as much as I love Jack Flag in space (who'd have thought that guy'd get a Geoff Johns-style revamping?).

Other notes:

- Osborn needs a plan. He's king of the hill, but even he must see how precarious it is. His own son almost messed it all up.

- I get the feeling DC hates me personally and is making these books intentionally to contradict my tastes. That's delusional, I know, but I can't dodge the feeling. Especially after Ambush Bug went so wrong. I'm a die-hard Ambush Bug fan, and a Giffen devotee since the 80s, so if you lose me there, that says a lot.

- Remember when Vertigo was cool? I should send them a pitch for their crime line. Except I remember one of their big editors cowering away from me like I was a mugger when I went to say "hi," before even saying my name. Meh.

- I wish Boom! Studios would just collect all these little minis they use as movie pitches. I'd much prefer 2 Guns (for example) as one chunk.

- I'm kind of mad this is the first we're hearing of Dr. Gregory Stark. More please.

- I'm ignoring the Douglas Ramsey short story that popped up in my heads after reading New Mutants. I am. Shut up!

- Remember when Ms. Marvel was good, right after Karla Sofen took on the role? Those Storytellers ... man, they screwed things up. If they're the deus ex machina. that unseats Norman, I may have to travel to NYC and throw up on Marvel's front porch.

- Seriously? Franken-Castle? Remender, sorry, that's wholly wrong. Punisher doesn't need a rogue's gallery. He shoots people. It's sometimes funny, like gallows humor. Don't mess with the formula.

- I never thought I'd say I hate anything done by the genius behind Nightly News and Pax Romana, but Jonathan Hickman's Fantastic Four is a tragedy. Not in a good way.

- I really hope you'll pre-order The Untamed from Stranger Comics, a dark fantasy story about how an unscrupulous man facing purgatory seeks vengeance against his enemies, yet he is conflicted with the hope of redemption and salvation in the eyes of his daughter. It's in Previews right now, pages 285 and 286 SKU #OCT091072, and is beloved by both Watchmen producer Lloyd Levin ("What's not to love about Jones and Bertging's THE UNTAMED: it's a Sergio Leone, Frank Frazetta, William Blake fever dream mash-up. And that's just where it begins!") and master of horror Clive Barker ("THE UNTAMED promises to be an epic tale, conceived and crafted not only with a great love of comics, but also a profound understanding of the power of visionary storytelling"). Yes, I'm a shill for them. I do it because I believe in the product and the creators. You go now!

Handle it.

Playing (Music): "Paparazzi" by Lady Gaga