Failed Comics: Reasons

NOTE: I've been working on the idea of getting some comics done for many, many years. I've never gotten anything done, due to flaky artists, inconsistent publishing companies and not trying hard enough to make comics instead of, say, making money. This is one of my ideas, a short comic that was supposed to be a collaboration with a friend so we could have stuff to show at conventions, written back in early 2005. It may never get done. So be it. I can write stuff, though, and when I don't use it ... it's saddening. Go now, little comics script! Be free! As long as my name's on you!

PAGE ONE: One Panel

PANEL 1 - Opening scene, one panel splash. Perspective shot looking
down on a "bodega" styled corner store, with a square counter on the
lower left of the panel, open front door. Two POLICE OFFICERS are
near the right, one at the door watching the street, one looking at
gum near the counter. SHOPKEEPER stands pleasantly behind the
counter, reading the latest issue of PERSON magazine. It's bright
daylight outside, despite the streets being covered with snow, and
the store is crowded and a little bit dingy.

DIALOGUE:
TITLE: OUT OF CONTEXT: REASONS
TITLE: | WORDS: HANNIBAL TABU | VISUALS: [ARTIST NAME REMOVED TO PROTECT THE PERSON'S IDENTITY] |
CAPTION: (letterer, please place in lower right hand corner)
OUT OF CONTEXT CREATED BY HANNIBAL TABU, "OUT OF CONTEXT: REASONS"
CREATED BY HANNIBAL TABU AND [ARTIST NAME REMOVED TO PROTECT THE PERSON'S IDENTITY]
1 - POLICE OFFICER (nearer): YOU'RE OUTTA THE MIXED FRUIT
CERTS HERE ...

PAGE TWO: Three Panels

PANEL 1 - First of three long horizontal panels. Shows close up on POLICE OFFICER (near)'s hand, holding a pack of DENTYNE gum. He's in soft focus, while down the nearby aisle (there are three aisles in the bodega, leading to the back wall) you should see PRETTY GIRL (our Nicole Wray takeoff) reading the back of a box of POP TARTS with deep concentration while holding the stick of a lolly pop (which is in her mouth). She should be visible in profile, with all her curves visible, and her puffy bomber stopping just short of her waistline.

DIALOGUE:
1 - SHOPKEEPER: (from off panel) SO SORRY, WILL HAVE MORE ON TUESDAY.

PANEL 2 - Flip perspective, close up on PRETTY GIRL's hand, holding POP TARTS, seeing POLICE OFFICER (near) with his mouth hanging open slightly, looking at PRETTY GIRL. You should see the store's window, with "GROCERY/LOTTO" in reverse type in the glass, and large, thug looking BLACK GUYS walking by outside (we'll see them again on page nine) from right to left.

DIALOGUE:
2 - POLICE OFFICER (farther): (from off panel) HEY, DAVE! THEY GOT THOSE ICE GUM THINGS, LIKE ON TV?

PANEL 3 - Flip perspective back, close up on PRETTY GIRL's face, lolly pop pulled half way out of her mouth, with her lips still around the sphere of it, just a hint of her tongue visible on the bottom side. She's smiling a little, a plan glimmering in her droopy-lidded eyes, her gaze locked on POLICE OFFICER (near).

DIALOGUE:
3 - POLICE OFFICER (farther): (from off panel) DAVE?

PAGE THREE: Five Panels

PANEL 1 - Shown from right of POLICE OFFICER (near), PRETTY GIRL has already set down the Pop Tarts and is walking slinkily towards Police officer, swinging one arm and holding lolly pop stick in place with other hand, eyes looking him up and down. The camera angle should still show some of the grocery items on the aisle next to them (on his right and her left).

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 2 - PRETTY GIRL is standing directly in front of POLICE OFFICER (near), head bowed as she looks over her lashes at him coquettishly, while he smiles bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck with his left hand.

DIALOGUE:
1 - POLICE OFFICER (near): UH ...

PANEL 3 - Same panel and camera angle, except PRETTY GIRL is now looking over right shoulder of POLICE OFFICER (near) with a wide-eyed look of shock and fear.

DIALOGUE:
2 - POLICE OFFICER (near): MORNING ... WHAT ... WHAT IS IT?

PANEL 4 - POLICE OFFICER (near) turns and looks over his shoulder, doesn't hear soft clicking from direction of PRETTY GIRL.

DIALOGUE:
3 - POLICE OFFICER (near): DID YOU SEE SOMETHING?
EFX (soft): CLICK

PANEL 5 - Same angle from Panels 2 and 3, except now PRETTY GIRL has a Desert Eagle aimed at head of POLICE OFFICER (near). the Desert Eagle is a large freaking pistol, a .50 caliber handgun, and should look really big in her dainty hands, but she has no trepidation nor problem in controlling it.

DIALOGUE:
5 - POLICE OFFICER (near): ...

PAGE 4: One Panel

PANEL 1 - Single page splash, PRETTY GIRL pulls trigger, bullet explodes head of cop. I leave it to your discretion on how graphic to get, or if you wanna do an explosion effect and be subtle with it, as this is pretty much our "money shot" visual page.

DIALOGUE:
EFX: KA-BLAM!

PAGE 5: Five Panels

PANEL 1 - POLICE OFFICER (farther) panics, fumbling for his sidearm, standing just inside doorway. SHOPKEEPER is panicked as well, diving for cover behind the counter (which should be just barely in sight on left side of panel)

DIALOGUE:
1 - POLICE OFFICER (farther): JESUS, DAVE! FREEZE ...

PANEL 2 - Close cropped shot on PRETTY GIRL, drawing a bead on POLICE OFFICER (farther). Her right eye is closed as she aims through the pistol's sight with her left eye, and her tongue is sticking out the left side of her mouth, angling downwards, as she concentrates. You should, at this point, see her leaning slightly to her left (panel right) and be able to see the shoulder holster, one that holds the gun parallel to the ground instead of barrel down, hanging underneath her coat. POLICE OFFICER (near) should still be halfway down in his descent to the floor (which should show that all of this is happening very fast, your call on how much of this to show).

DIALOGUE:
2 - POLICE OFFICER (farther): ... DROP YOUR ...

PANEL 3 - Framed shot of POLICE OFFICER (farther) falling backwards, smashing into shelves on wall, filled with rows of canned vegetables (any generic east coast brand you're familiar with). In this panel, he's been shot at the base of his neck on his left hand side (panel right), with a spurt of blood flying out from the impact.

DIALOGUE:
EFX: KA-BLAM!
3 - POLICE OFFICER (farther): ... WEAP ... AAAAAGH!

PANEL 4 - Same camera angle, less than a second later, lots of cans falling down on POLICE OFFICER (farther), as a second shot blasts a hole into his head, his police cap falling harmlessly off to his right (panel left).

DIALOGUE:
EFX: KA-BLAM!
4 - POLICE OFFICER (farther): ... NO, GAAAAAH!

PANEL 5 - Camera angle switches to floor level, looking from stance of PRETTY GIRL through her knee-high laced boots (kind of like that James Bond poster with the girls legs framing the shot), seeing fallen body of POLICE OFFICER (near) on floor in foreground (two spent bullet casings should be resting on his body) and slumped body of POLICE OFFICER (farther), with grocery displays toppled, cans strewn everywhere, gum and sodas spilled on the floor. Outside the door you can almost make out the bustle of people running in fear from the tumult.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PAGE SIX: Four Panels

PANEL 1 - Profile shot from slightly above and to the right of PRETTY GIRL, now holding her smoking Desert Eagle straight up and glancing to her left (away from the camera) at SHOPKEEPER cowering behind the counter. SHOPKEEPER is looking, wide eyed and shaking, at PRETTY GIRL.

DIALOGUE:
1 - STREET CHATTER: (from off panel) ... THE HELL WAS THAT?
2 - STREET CHATTER: (from off panel) ... FROM INSIDE THE STORE,
I ...
3 - STREET CHATTER: (from off panel) ... MAN, I'M GETTING THE
...

PANEL 2 - Straight on shot of PRETTY GIRL, head down, putting the Desert Eagle back in the holster. It's a shot that shows a lot of the definition of her torso -- taut abs, perky but not large breasts, slightly frayed edge of her tank top cutting off a half inch above her navel. A gold herringbone chain should also be visible, with a charm hanging from it that looks like the scales of a Libra, but with the left side dipping low. The shadow of her lolly pop stick should fall across the higher right side of the charm.

DIALOGUE:
4 - STREET CHATTER: (from off panel) ... THINK I HEARD SHOTS ...
5 - STREET CHATTER: (from off panel) ... BABY, I'M OKAY, JUST
...

PANEL 3 - Walking slinkily again, switching her hips, PRETTY GIRL is seen from the rear, walking out, now half way between the door and her point of origin. Her right hand holds the lolly pop, the left up in the air, and should be shown as the point of origin for a flung stack of bills, held in a rubber band, flying towards the counter.

DIALOGUE:
6 - PRETTY GIRL: SORRY ABOUT THE MESS.

PANEL 4 - Close up on the counter, with the stack of bills ($100 bills, folded once, wrapped in a wide rubber band) lying on the counter, SHOPKEEPER's bugged eyes just visible over the edge of the counter.

DIALOGUE:
7 - STREET CHATTER: (from off panel) ... THOUGHT I SAW SOME COPS ...

PAGE SEVEN: Six Panels

PANEL 1 - Two bundled people, I don't care what they look like. Close up, looking between their shoulders. One is holding the day's paper, which has a blown up shot of PRETTY GIRL holding the gun and glancing at the shopkeeper, on the front page under a headline that reads DIRTY HARRIET? Photo takes up four columns of the six column spread, and dominates center. Oh, and paper is folded in half. The two people should be talking to one another as they walk along a snowy street, one should be pointing concernedly to the photo while the other watches, frowning.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 2 - Police locker room. Men of every ethnicity standing around in towels, half-in and half-out of uniform, and so on. In front of the locker closest to the reader, there's a bunch of flowers. One tubby Black officer, shaven headed and wearing just a towel and his wedding ring, should be looking at the flowers with dread. He should be standing in the image's foreground.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 3 - Shot of the front of the bodega that started all this mess. SHOPKEEPER is closing up the store for the night, his breath a cloud of frosty air in front of his face, looking nervously over his shoulder as he fumbles with the padlock on the security door (one of those drop down metal numbers). You should just be able to make out a bulge under his coat that could be a gun. Snow is falling gently.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 4 - Same shot, but from above, with a bespectacled old Asian woman looking down through a frosted window at SHOPKEEPER and clutching the chest of her shirt, scared for her own life. One hand, however, is reaching to drop down the curtains so she can shut off the world. The glow of her television behind her can be seen, illuminating the floral prints on her shirt and apron.

DIALOGUE:
CAPTION: ... NO CLOSER TO FINDING THE SHOOTER AFTER TWO DAYS ...

PANEL 5 - Community meeting, featuring brothers in dashikis with dreadlocks huddled together meaningfully, dookie-braided hoodrats trying to get their act together while they set out punch and sandwiches. A banner should hang in the background that should not be wholly visible, but if it were it would say "PEOPLE'S REVOLUTIONARY PARTY." In the foreground of the shot, a brother (who should look a lot like either me or you, I'm not picky) is sitting by himself in a row of folding chairs (there's two rows behind him, and rows ahead of him out of perspective), reading the paper.

DIALOGUE:
1 - BROTHER: (thoughtfully, to himself) HANDLE THAT, SIS ...

PANEL 6 - Grainy television, slanted slightly to the right, away from the reader. On the screen is a "LIVE" news report (pick a channel, I don't care) showing a middle aged guy in a black trench coat and gloves, gesticulating angrily at a listening crowd. The guy's behind a podium, with uniformed police forming a wall behind him. On screen he's identified as Mayor Don Fleet (feel free to base him on your own mayor if need be, or get creative).

DIALOGUE:
CAPTION: "... AND MAYOR FLEET VOWED JUSTICE WILL RETURN TO OUR STREETS ..."

PAGE EIGHT: One Panel

PANEL 1 - Full page splash, huge crowd scene/press conference on courthouse/city council steps (whatever big government building you have with steps, that's what we want), similar to scene on page seven panel one. TV cameras, reporters holding out tape recorders, boom microphones and tons of normal people crushed in, looking for answers. On the steps, there's a podium, behind which MAYOR FLEET speaks to the crowd, into microphones with logos for ABC, CNN, FOX, NBC, CBS. Behind the MAYOR stands POLICE COMMISSIONER (an older, balding black man with a bushy mustache in a suit that fit him two years ago, watching the crowd), POLICE CHIEF (an older white guy, salt and pepper hair, in full uniform and wearing the cap, a grim expression on his hawkish face as he listens attentively) and six FUNCTIONARIES (boring people of whatever ethic mix you like, in suits) looking nervous but vigilant.

DIALOGUE:
1 - MAYOR FLEET: ... WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS KIND OF INJUSTICE IN OUR CITY! WE WILL FIND THE REASONS FOR THIS SENSELESS CRIME!
2 - MAYOR FLEET: CHIEF MCGARRETT HAS EVERY AVAILABLE RESOURCE TASKED TO FINDING THIS DANGEROUS CRIMINAL! WE WILL NOT REST UNTIL ALL CITIZENS ARE SAFE AGAIN!

PAGE NINE: Three Panels

PANEL 1 - Basic walk-up apartment of the type that dominates many east coast cities. In foreground of shot, there's a round table with four THUGS playing dominoes and laughing. Again, I don't have very strong preferences for these guys, but none of 'em should be less than six feet tall or weigh less than 190 lbs. Maybe a hoodie on two of them. THE MAYOR's press conference from the last page is playing on the TV behind the THUG in the back of the panel (henceforth THUG CENTER), and he should be leaned back laughing. Off to the left of the panel, you can see into the kitchen where AUNTIE, an older black woman with an immaculate white afro, an apron and an almost June Cleaver-styled flowered dress and a big beaded necklace like X-Clan used to wear is washing dishes in a sink, with a window right in front of her, looking out of the building. From the angle of sunlight coming in the window, it's mid afternoon. A Glock 40 pistol is clearly visible on the table, to the side of the dominoes.

DIALOGUE:
1 - THUG ON PANEL LEFT: ... BABY GIRL WAS LIKE, "KA-PLOW!" ALL UP IN DUDE'S GRILL!
2 - THUG ON PANEL RIGHT: YEAH YEAH, SHE BROUGHT THE PAIN LIKE METH!

PANEL 2 - Same panel, but with THUG CENTER's head down, still laughing.

DIALOGUE:
3 - AUNTIE: SHAME Y'ALL AIN'T MAN ENOUGH TO DO THE JOB ...
4 - AUNTIE: ... GOT LITTLE SISTERS OUT THERE FIGHTIN' THE REVOLUTION!

PANEL 3 - Same panel, but with each THUG looking at the others like "Aw, man, she's right!"

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PAGE TEN: Two Panels

PANEL 1 - Shot of the front door of the building, with THUGS, now each holding a weapon, barreling down the steps with grim intent.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 2 - Same exact shot, but this time as if it was on the screen of a monitor, slanted to the right and away from the reader.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PAGE ELEVEN: Two Panels

PANEL 1 - Drawing back from last panel, now see that the shot is on a monitor in a bank of them, all sitting on a counter-like console with an array of mysterious buttons and lights and indicators and shit. There's a four inch raised border on the edge of the console. On the right side, you can just barely see the elbow of PRETTY GIRL's jacket, leaned on that raised console edge.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 2 - Pulled back all the way, to see that this is the inside of the bridge on a space ship, with Earth floating serenely in a viewscreen behind and to the right of PRETTY GIRL, who sits in a chair angled slightly towards the reader, her right arm on the console and her left resting daintily on her hip, blowing a bubble of gum. The cabin has tons of wacky instruments and stuff, hanging from ceilings and stuck out of the floor that defy explanation. Another console can be seen in the distance behind her, and the big view screen is over that.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PAGE TWELVE: Seven Panels

PANEL 1 - Long horizontal panel across top of page. Shows PRETTY GIRL, from chest up, straight on, her face illuminated by the display and console, her bubble popped. You can see top of ALIEN'S head as he approaches.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 2 - Long horizontal panel, identical in size to previous one. Behind her now stands an ALIEN (again, your discretion how weird to get, but this is not a bipedal humanoid and should not even have a very recognizable shape), who's looking at the display as well.

DIALOGUE:
1 - ALIEN (in strange typeface): WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THINGS LIKE THAT?

PANEL 3 - One of three identical sized square panels which form a single horizontal row of images. Shows PRETTY GIRL's face turned to look at ALIEN (now off panel, his face as the perspective of the shot), grinning madly.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 4 - Same shot, as transformation from PRETTY GIRL to another ALIEN is half-way complete. It's like a shapeshift, morphing kind of effect. Really kind of nasty. Her clothes and stuff are being absorbed into the new, shapeshifted body.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 4 - Same shot, as PRETTY GIRL is now fully an ALIEN, still "grinning" disturbingly.

DIALOGUE:
NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 6 - Long horizontal panel, same shot as Panel 2, but now they're both ALIENS.

DIALOGUE:
2 - PRETTY GIRL/ALIEN (in strange typeface): I'VE GOTTA DO SOMETHING FOR FUN, DON'T I?

PANEL 7 - Long horizontal panel across bottom of page. All black.

DIALOGUE:
TITLE: END

Watching (Hulu.com): Better Off Ted, "The Great Repression"