Hate it or love it ...

I love hate mail.

I do. It amuses me to no end. When I started writing professionally, a $5/hour intern at the Los Angeles Sentinel, I was mentored in part by the late, great Dennis Schatzman. Dennis told me that if somebody wasn't mad at what you were writing, you were doing something wrong.

So when I found this guy, who makes hating my work (and maybe me, I dunno) almost into a cottage industry, it practically made my day. What's even funnier is that I won't deny he has some points. I could easily do longer, more in-depth reviews. It's not what I was hired to do, but I could. Still, his loathing for me is hilarious.

Funniest of all (to me anyway) is his misunderstanding of the "meh" section of my Buy Pile reviews, saying ...

He came back to mind because of something said at the Cup O' Bendis panel this weekend. Jim McCann ranted a bit on how people who comment on or review an issue by simply saying "meh" get him very angry. Bendis chimed in agreeing, but it didn't seem as possibly pointed at reviews as McCann's statement did. Bendis did say that having "meh" said about a piece of work is just like a kick in the balls for him.

Believe it or not, it took someone else in attendance suggesting that McCann's statement might have been directed at Tabu, who probably uses that more than any other reviewers and sometimes leaves that as his only commentary about an issue.

In actuality, it was McCann's "meh" statements that inspired me to create a "meh" pile, and then email him to give him credit for the creation, to my even greater amusement. That's just freakin' awesome.

In comments on another blog he said, "Some say I should do shorter reviews, which I toss aside. I don't want to be Hannibal Tabu." That's fantastic, especially when he added "It makes me glad to know that there's at least one person out there getting something useful out of my reviews. ;)" Given that the checks keep clearing in my account and I know this guy's out there loathing me, I know two people getting something useful out of mine, which makes me all the happier.

Especially the first half of the year, when I was working four jobs, I've had to go back in to reviews to catch dropped words, missed links, bad italics tags or times my brain was working faster than my fingers. Now that I'm all day jobbed up, there's less than that. But again, I love the harshness, because it helps me step up my game. I couldn't be more pleased to have found this guy.

Random Googling for something else found Whitechapel poster Toriach, who posted, "Well to rip off one of my favorite reviewers Hannibal Tabu (even if I disagree with him 90 percent of the time) here's a short story about that. No."

Disagree with me 90 percent of the time, and I'm a favorite? Dude/dudette, thank you. That's freakin' wonderful. I'm so grateful.

Don't get me wrong, I like it when people like what I do too (like Greg Pak extensively quoting my review of Incredible Hercules #129 or getting name checked in a Marvel press release) and I get a fair share of "love the column" stuff from people who meet me or in emails. But for some reason the hate mail just amuses me more. I get frustrated at lots of stuff -- the blog is plenty evidence of that -- but it rarely turns into a campaign against any one person. While many people wrongly believe that I dislike Geoff Johns or Brian Michael Bendis, I point to Johns' brilliant work with the Flash Rogues or the Dark Avengers issues I bought and reread regularly.

For me, it's rarely about the person. It's always about the work. I once hated Frank Tieri's work, and now believe he's grown into a pretty good writer. It's never personal, despite what so many want to believe in messageo boards or darkened monitor-lit bedrooms.

Hate it or love it, I am grateful for everyone who reads my work (even the ones who can't spell my last name and put "Tatu" for some unknown reason -- fans of allegedly lesbian Russian singers? Admittedly, I am a proud lesbian ...), because any passionate reaction is a reaction, any time they can devote that kind of energy to my work, I affected them. I spend my days and nights trying to convert the oceans of silent "meh" into something more, so deeply filled with gratitude when I succeed.

Playing (Music): "Say Hey (I Love You)" by Michael Franti and Spearhead feat. Cherine Anderson

This is what we've been driven to?

The man you see here is named Jamie Fishback.⁽¹⁾ He's whimsical, but rarely completely insane.

Today he's walking around the office wielding a yam. He believes it's a deterrent to lunacy. "Stop that or I'll yam you!" he's warning people.

You all thought it was me. I know the truth. It's really all of you.

I blame society.

Playing (Music): "Million Dollar Bill" by Whitney Houston

(1) = This photo was taken with the camera on my Treo 680. Now you see why I need to upgrade? Sheesh.

The 2009 MTV Video Music Awards (plus Serena and Congressman Joe Wilson)

What kind of blogger, cultural critic and internet bon vivant doesn't have a detailed analysis of the week's "Celebs Gone Wild" events-- from a factually challenged Republican congressman shouting at a sitting president during a speech to a legendary tennis player completely losing her cool to an cable channel's awards show filled with weird imagery, genuine emotion and completely cretinous behavior?

One who's more interested in his home, his family, his novels and (that evening) getting caught up on new music.

Nothing that happened in the last week is even remotely important. I assure you. The stage rushing of Kanye and Lil Mama? Serena's meltdown? A guy who didn't even read the bill he was mad about? Lady Gaga covered in fake blood?

Billions of people around the world do not freaking care. I am proud to count myself among their number.

Back to work.

Playing (Music): "The Warning" feat. Mariah Carey by Eminem

Blog Fu: The Eight Capital Cities of Heaven

I get so many links and so many wonderful concepts that -- time permitted -- I could probably do two or three blog fu columns a week. I don't because of two reasons. 1: I'm not paid to and 2: I have other things to do with my time.⁽¹⁾ If you enjoy them, sorry they're not more common.

Anyway, here goes ...

- The headline alone caught my attention: Software predicts which songs will be hits. It's every A&R's dream, something they could use to justify their choices and not even really work very hard.⁽²⁾ OTOH, if Chuck D is on board with it, it can't be all bad. My concern is that it essentially boils all "hit" (as in "selling") music to lowest common denominator factors. I'm deathly afraid of the lowest common denominator, the center points on the bell curve. Don't get me wrong, some of that music's amazing stuff, but what if -- spirit forbid -- some Celine Dion or Britney Spears sneaks up in there? The horror! Sure, those artists have their adherents. My belief, and I'll admit that it is nothing more than my belief, is that those people are either heretics or criminally insane.⁽³⁾ I fear for the Republic ...

- Do you know how most people realize they don't have a billion dollars? They aren't able to freak it like George Soros. I'm always sad when people don't know his name, because he knows money like gynecologists know women -- inside and out. Anyhoo, he recently gave every poor student in New York State $200. For real. That added up to a bit under $200 million bucks -- not much for George, but a lot for a lotta people -- and just goes to show that rich folk can do stuff you can't.⁽⁴⁾

- Have you ever known a female who was afraid of spiders? Some say it's built in to the female mind, based on some research. I can't grok it. Rats are scary -- they have muscle mass, they're fast, they need to be exterminated. Spiders? Mostly harmless in my mind. Well, now that I've seen those brown recluse pictures, maybe not, but still ...⁽⁵⁾

- Speaking of the ladies, have you ever known one who was worried about the size of her thighs? Well, research indicates that larger thighs can protect against heart disease in some specific cases. I don't know that they needed to vamp it up with that attempt at a racy picture, but the article did have some health conscious tips on getting an ideal size, which was cool.

- On the other hand, obesity can cause people to lose brain tissue over time. Which is an ill trade off -- alive but zonked out. Just saying ...

- Anyway, if you can stand some profanity and love to laugh, you have got to check out The Bloggess, who I found on Twitter and who just tickles the heck outta me. My favorites are the ones where she's dealing with her husband Victor who reminds me of myself a great deal, even though he gets defensive and/or insane. I have laughed so hard at this, and I so appreciate it. Not as much as Texts From Last Night, which is a non-stop deluge of hilarity and human foibles (I'm on page 510 or so now), but she rocks in a much smarter and more linear fashion.

Just a short one for tonight, but I may do the one I've had in mind about stupid uber-elements in deaths of major comic characters. It's been brewing in my brain.

Listening (Music): to @SupaSista do a music mix without headphones

FOOTNOTES:

(1) = Hi, girls! Just had to give a shout out to my lovely ladies (wife/daughters) at home. Shut up, you would too!

(2) = "Just run your demo through the software. Do not wake me up if the score is less than gold!"

(3) = Not whimsically fun insane like me. So yes, that'd be bad.

(4) = I don't think people really conceive of what "rich" is. Rich is "fly into town on a private plane you own, walk up to a busy building, buy it, deck it out, hang out for a bit and fly out" style stuff. "Buy yourself a working fighter plane for kicks" stuff. Really being rich is big, and most people don't think big with our smaller rectangular screens.

(5) = You'll have to Google that for yourself. Those pictures are creepy.

The Class War: Why Follow Me To Higher Ground?

America is suffering under a lack of leadership.

To be fair, the world is suffering from a lack of leadership, but most cameras and most eyes and most guns and most interest is trained on the contiguous 48 (apologies to Sarah Palin and Barack Obama's childhood homes), and I have a very wide swath of experience therein, so that's where we're gonna focus today.

Leadership is the sort of thing that Patrice Lumumba brought to the Congo, that Toussaint L'Ouverture brought to Haiti, or (even notwithstanding his imperialist bloodlust and apparent insanity) Teddy Roosevelt brought to the US presidency. Going back to conquerors like Genghis Khan, entrepreneurs like Madame CJ Walker or great thinkers like Dr. Mark Dean (one of my missions this year is to name drop this guy as much as I can, in that I technically could not have made most of the money in my career without three of the thirty patents he holds existing, forming the foundation for all "personal computers" that we use today), leadership changes things. Leadership steps up.

Unfortunately -- and I can personally attest to some of this -- leadership has been bred out of the greatest parts of western culture for (at the very least) sixty years. With the advent and popularity of television (combined with the staggering yoke of sexism, holding down some of the most talented minds from jump street). After a soul-crushing day of workplace monotony and dehumanization, the comforting opiate of cathode rays (or reflected plasma or LCD screens these days) is a welcome reward and a childcare necessity for many. Made all too comfortable by the "convenience" of iPhones and Wal-Mart, the rewards of leadership -- historical posterity, change, a better world for the future to inherit -- are viewed as not worth the challenges of hard work, rampant opposition, political gladhandling in organizations and (in some cases) threat of personal harm. This is true even when it leads to being in debt up to your eyeballs, imprisoned by mortgages and soccer practice schedules. The very concept of service has been middle classed to death with Huxtable aspirations and Good Times realities.

Older people often like to speak negatively of the adults and youth of today. Sure the "greatest generation" beat the Nazis -- they were there. What mountains were even left to climb by the time we came along? So desperate for achievement, we had to build whole digital and fictional worlds -- from Warcraft to Hogwarts -- to have something to do that we could see. Beating cancer or the common cold are too ethereal for people to get behind after "we will put a man on the moon" and what not. As a culture (such as it is), we're more interested in box office receipts than decreasing the unemployment rate.

Speaking from my own experience, there are other challenges for a Black man that make leadership less than appealing as a path. For all of the "hope" inspired by the current commander-in-chief (and I for one don't believe he could launch nuke one if push came to shove, or that any Black man currently alive could), how many people kept looking worriedly for the shadow of Fred Hampton behind him (they were both from Chicago)? I grew up in Memphis, a city internationally known for putting down Black men who stand up, so I felt crosshairs on my chest every time I raised my hand in class, every day I walked out of the library with a new idea. Combine that with the sub-cultural programming inherent in this country's Black people, devaluing scholarship and involvement and rewarding nihilism and indifference with all the short-term hot and cold running cash and willing sexual partners that anti-social extremism could bring. The pretty boys got the girls, the jocks got the glory, the guys who could properly conjugate a verb into more than three tenses got a big frothy cup of "shut the f*** up."

When I eventually stopped walking under branches still notched for nooses, finally finding a way that I thought "I can do something," I was beset on all sides by insecurity, self-aggrandizement, treachery, self interest (and some of that was my own, I'll admit) and every other human failing tearing at the foundations and structure of what was trying to grow. Before any modern-day COINTELPRO energies could step in, the base of the tree was rotten solid, no matter how sweet some of the transitory fruit. I left college disillusioned with the idea of collective work and responsibility, and that colored many of my decisions as years went on.

Is there a solution? Honestly, I don't know. Maybe the happy ending is accelerated heat death when the sun finally calls it a day. The nihilism that's grown inside of me since I was a child echoes the words of Alfred Pennyworth, "some men just want to watch the world burn." Even as I watch new life grow from my inspiration, I see things getting worse before they get better for the children under my care, despite my best efforts to infect the global zeitgeist with the seeds of a finer world.

Or, in the brilliant I Hate It Here graphic novel, the talented (but challenged) Warren Ellis had his Hunter Thompson-inspired character Spider Jerusalem say ...

People keep saying to me, 'you're doing a good job, Spider,' 'you're really changing things, Spider.' And it's all bullsh**. I'm not changing a f***ing thing. I'm a writer. A journalist. I can't change sh**. What I do is give you the tools to understand the world so that you can change things.

And I'm stuck here, only hoping that you do.

Even with that cheery thought, I will say this, given how much I hate people who complain without solutions ...

• People of color need banks as much as armories, mathematicians as well as rappers, husbands as desperately as teachers. If we can't figure out how to reward all equally so the ratios can start to even out, game's over before it starts.
• Everybody has to feel safe. Period. It's impossible for everybody to get a gun and for nobody to have a gun, so follow the wisdom of Chris Rock, and impose a $20 dollar tax on every single bullet. Make that $40. The extra funds go straight into, say, health care or education (actual stuff, not administrative). I know the power of the NRA, but this is a more likely bill to pass than reparations, which are what I really want, so you go for the fight you can win sometimes.
• Most people will mess up along the way but if they keep moving intently in the right direction, time spent tearing them down is time not spent heading to the goal (I'm looking at you, Jesse Jackson, you grizzled has-been). Build in times for retrospective, speak openly and express what you feel, but time box that stuff and move on like the dot org.
• The greatest gift I ever got was from my great aunt Mabel Grant. Growing up, she regularly reinforced the idea that I could do anything if I worked hard enough, achieve anything with sufficient determination. When my head was spinning with X-wing fighters and lightsabers, she never discouraged me. That kind of unconditional belief can rocket children beyond their limitations -- I could have ended up selling weed and cutting hair, or in prison, or dead, like so many other friends and classmates and cousins. But she raised me to believe I could do better, and those higher expectations produced results. We have to ask more of ourselves first and of each other second, while acknowledging that we're all walking a difficult path. Cut people some slack, but keep pushing them to do more of what they want to do. Even if they wanna be a loc'ed out gangbanger, encourage them to be the best, most murderous, most drug-slingingest one of all (because either they'll die fast or become Sanyika Shakur), never settling for "just okay."
• Whatever you think is so serious, it's not. It's just not. Unless people will remember it in a hundred years, unless one billion people in China have a reason to care, it's not that big a deal. Don't keep going over it -- study long, study wrong, as they said around the domino table. Time box your analysis to avoid paralysis.

I'm trying to do these things, embody these ideas too. Even when I think they won't work.

Playing (Music): "Age of Aquarius/Let The Sunshine In" by the Fifth Dimension

NOTE: This blog was actually written June 16, 2009 and has been kept in reserve for reasons that nobody can seem to remember. Carry on.

The Second One About Smartphones

The hunt may be over.

You won't find much official word yet, but the monstrous new Nokia N900 may be the way to go. How can I call it a monster when I was all over the N97 just a little while ago? Check the technique -- this phone is serious, even when you break it down. It could have 48 GB of memory at the end of the day. It runs a Linux operating system, which is beyond gangsta.⁽¹⁾ It upgrades the N97's questionable touch screen. It's talking about having a built in Twitter app. "Browser: Firefox 3 with support for Flash 9.4." The screen's iPhone comparable. Wi-fi, 3G, word processing, removable media, 5MP Carl Zeiss camera with dual-LED flash, all at 180 grams.

Ready for the kicker? The real, "holy crap, did they make this phone for Hannibal specifically?" Hang on:

It's being released exclusively for T-Mobile in the US.

So my measly $94 a month plan could fuel this handheld computer? Sure, it's currently slated at a $640 price point, but maybe I can sign up for a contract and they can cut me a deal. I'm atingle with anticipation. I must get my hands on one.

I was actually inches away from settling on the E71x -- @SupaSista and I even went to an AT&T store to look at it, but none of their E71x models would power on and the line to speak to somebody was too long for her bladder to endure. Now that seems like serendipity.⁽²⁾

In the time since my last blog I've identified and eliminated many other potential phones. Like what? AT&T's flammable Quickfire, for example. LG's enV Touch and Xenon phones, Samsung's Impression and Comeback and even Nokia's E63. All failed in some dealbreaking way.

But today, with the word of this from my associate Jamie Fishback has me excited and happy! This seems like the device that can do everything I need ... now all I have to do is trick T-Mobile into giving me a hefty discount on one ...

Playing (Music): "Closer" by Ne-Yo

FOOTNOTES:

(1) = Real computers run Linux. Servers run Linux. It's the OS of the computer world's equivalent of burly jocks.

(2) = Not the limp rom-com, but the actual concept. Sorry, John Cusack!

The Mouse House of Ideas

The news is out: Disney bought Marvel Monday morning, lock, stock and web-fluid, for about four billion American dollars.⁽¹⁾

The news has been greeted with positive energy from employees high (Joe Quesada, here, here, here, here and here) to those further down in the ranks (Paul Cornell's optimistic take on the new bosses) and mixed commentary from industry notables (where was Jeff Katz in that piece?).

I don't have a dog in this fight in that I've almost never submitted any material to Marvel Comics⁽²⁾ and given how largely loathed my column The Buy Pile is at both of the major two comics companies, it doesn't matter how many novels I kick out in the less-than-stratospheric range, I'm unlikely to get "called up to the majors."⁽³⁾ Likewise, I've worked for Disney, as did my mother before me (Channel and Theme Parks respectively) and have known and dealt with people in almost every branch of the corporate octopod. Standing in such a place gives me a unique perspective, which I share, uninvited, with you.

There are good things about this deal for both companies. Marvel used to have a real hard-scrabble, almost Israeli "lose now and lose everything" mentality. There's less of a need for that given Disney's deep pockets. Disney has had a hole in its programming for post-teens and boys. Done -- butt kicking characters aplenty, from Weinstein-esque extremes with The Punisher to wisecracking Static Shock-styled wholesomeness with Ultimate Spider-Man. That's just Jim Dandy for the newly unified Mouse House of Ideas.⁽⁴⁾

However, I see room for things to go awry. Easily, truth be told. Marvel is a sensationalistic house, known for claiming mere announcements from them will "crack the internet in half," a hucksterist tradition that dates back to their still-name-checked sorcerer source, Stan Lee.⁽⁵⁾ That kind of sometimes splashy publicity clashes heavily with Disney's largely conservative moral image. Likewise, Disney is known for broad and sometimes Draconian measures⁽⁶⁾ that could make even the hardiest company man cringe amidst his 401k paperwork. Then there's the fact that extracting Marvel properties from their existing, sometimes intense deals is surely no easy feat.

Monday morning, I had six realizations about the deal, some of which were bad news for Marvel, some of which were bad news for the competitors, some of which were bad news for no one. I'll let you think your way through 'em.

@Marvel/Disney realization #1: Say hello to shelf space. Marvel merchandise at Disney retail. Disney's own comics aren't there, though.

This means that Disney retail chains will probably have Hulk Hands next to mouse ears. Captain America T-shirts right next to Scooge McDuck ones. One of the world's most lethal branding machines now has a whole new catalog worth of pre-awareness characters to monetize, one that has built-in TV channels and product placement in movies, shows and what have you. You should prepare yourself for a marketing onslaught the likes of which spirit itself has never seen, which adds up really nicely for your well placed executives (I'm looking at my CBR co-columnist, Joe Quesada) and not too shabbily from artists delivering the goods on what will be seen on these new lunchboxes and baseball caps and what have you (yet another place Joe Quesada can clean up, especially with a new Iron Man movie in post production right now).

What this might not mean is issues of "Dark Avengers" on those same shelves, and it surely won't do any distribution favors for Punisher Max or Foolkiller. In that Disney doesn't stock its own family-friendly comics on its retail shelves, properties its owned and has successfully pimped for the better part of the last century, do you really think you'll find a Christopher Priest Black Panther trade there? Not so much.

@Marvel/Disney realization #2: Con sketches? Good luck. Richard J. Marcej noted Disney's strict smackdown policy on stuff that way.

The Mouse House (pre-Ideas) was always super twitchy about their iconography (which is part of how they became such a lethal branding machine). They sue first and ask questions later in terms of their characters or imagery or ideas drifting about the zeitgeist. It must always be under their control. The aforenamed CBR poster made this point and it made me wonder about the artist trade at cons. That could be a shift for people, and introduce a new and Draconian influence to conventions. Won't that be fun?

@Marvel/Disney realization #3: "Let's all go to the movies!" Paramount and Fox better enjoy now. The Mouse House of Ideas is coming.

According to the aforementioned article, Spidey is forever the cinematic property of Sony and Daredevil, the FF and the X-Men are locked at Fox "in perpetuity." That could even mean that the Kingpin is stuck as an Affleck-affected memory. The only way those characters could ever be freed from these very odd deals is from a buy out, and that'd cost quite a pretty penny indeed. The Avengers (Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, plus War Machine, Justin Hammer, Whiplash, Loki and more) are locked in at Paramount until at least 2014.

The response to all that is "so?" Nobody saw Blade coming. Hell, nobody saw Wanted coming, and that's almost new. There are thousands of other characters to work with, and Disney has a lot of cameras and a lot of airtime. Television's not out of the question: how would weekly Iron Man series benefit from Robert Downey Jr.'s on screen work? Animation's surely a Mouse House favorite. Combine with Disney's legendary branding bloodlust and you will see Marvel characters, probably inside of a year, a lot more on screens small if not large. Between ABC and a lot more cable channels than you think, they can get the word out and do it fast.

@Marvel/Disney realization #4: Hey @DC_Nation! You'd better get your cineplex game together fast. The Mouse House of Ideas? Ill.

Stalled Justice League movie? No rush to get Brandon Routh back in the sky? Christopher Nolan in no hurry to get back to Gotham City? Don't rest on your laurels, Warner Brothers. Disney will nickel-and-dime you to death, with a deluge of commercials and direct-to-DVD specials and what not. They've got the machinery to jam the channels with Marvel's wares, alongside The Incredibles and their existing brands. Fast tracking Super Max may not get the job done, but I'd recommend something, and more DCU guests on Smallville ain't it. Justin Hartley -- suit up!

@Marvel/Disney realization #5: If Marvel content (publishing) does get more shelf space, this could force the industry to finally think.

Let's be wild-eyed optimists and suppose Disney suddenly puts Marvel Comics almost everywhere. Retail. Bigger push to newsstands. Opens up their book channels. Puts weight on orders from big retailers like Borders. That's competition and that'd be good for everybody. Diamond would have to quit being so sluggish and weird (they are not shipping books the last week of the year, the hell with what you've got ready). DC would have to look at some options. Indies could see some charity orders. Rising tides could benefit all ships.

Sure, I'm not overly prone to optimism, but it could happen.

@Marvel/Disney realization #6: Mory Buckman reminded me: theme parks. Change is coming, pal. Embrace it.

CBR has good blog and message board posters, as the aforementioned Mssr. Buckman reminded me of this one.

The Shocker's Shaker. Namor's Aquatic Adventure. Morbius' Hall of Horrors. These could be amusements at Disney parks. Soon. Theme Parks is one of the most gangsta and relentless of Disney's business units, and they could get the Sub-Mariner into California Adventure within six months. That sort of branding is even more insidious -- it haunts you years later in family photos and nostaglic memories. Get one Super Bowl hero to jam some Marvel into his post-victory announcement and it's on. Seriously. Brace yourselves.

Then I was reminded that Disney bought all of CrossGen as well, so Mystic/Doctor Voodoo and Sojourn/Hawkeye isn't so impossible.⁽⁷⁾ There's a lotta characters on the table for the House that Walt (and now Stan) built,⁽⁸⁾ and it'd be some kind of cruel justice for Mark Alessi's toys to end up in Joe Quesada's hands ... and not too bad a counterpoint for DC incorporating Milestone.⁽⁹⁾

Sure, that "hands off" stuff works for Pixar, but it didn't work so well for the Weinsteins. Which will this end up as? Tell you in a few years -- the ink's not dry in the new happiest place on earth ... 387 Park Avenue South in lovely New York City.

Playing (Music): "Don't Forget Me When I'm Gone" by Glass Tiger

Footnotes

(1) = Whoa.

(2) = During the ill-fated Bill Jemas regime I went back and forth with Epic Comics and Teresa Focarile about a property that was seen as very marketable but one that I have yet to do anything with. I developed something commercial and just don't have any real emotional investment in it, so I trot it out at pitch meetings and I'd sell it in a heartbeat, but it's not where my interests lie.

(3) = My reviews show no favorites and often say very, very mean things. I probably peeved current Boom! Studios editor in chief off when I said his Spider-Man: House of M was an atrocity, that purchases of it supported terrorism, and that buying it meant that somewhere in the world, a kitten would be fisted to death. That stuff's just messed up. I know it. However, that remains my opinion, I state it as such and never as any kind of objective fact, and I don't back down from it. I always make it about the work and never about the actual person -- yes, even my nepotism insults are essentially about work product, not personal character. Add to all that the fact that I'm a surly Black guy and that I don't drink, nor will I buy people lots of drinks. I have maybe $30 worth of vodka in Bob Shreck and never got any work out of it, let alone an acknowledgement of the stuff I sent him. Major label comics and me are un-freakin-likely unless I go out and Reggie Hudlin myself, at which point I'll of course have the "fat girl who got hot and came back to the high school reunion" thing going on and totally abuse people. You know, like you do.

(4) = I said it first. You saw that so don't go denying it.

(5) = I'm always shocked how many people are surprised to find out that a) he's not related to Jim Lee nor Pat Lee and b) he's not Asian. True story!

(6) = Let me tell you a story about when I worked at Disney. November 2001 I start, assigned to get a stalled redesign of SoapNet.com online. The redesign lay fallow for more than a year, resulting in only a 475+ page binder of documentation. I tossed the binder, put all the documents on Yahoo! Groups, pushed through with will power and diplomacy and was almost ready to put the whole thing online in March 2001. At that point, I was told I had to find a way to include the newly purchased content management system, which eventually became known as GoPublish. When? Before my three-weeks-hence deadline. I got some consultants from the company formerly known as Arthur Andersen (now "Accenture," whatever that means) and got down with the get down. Early April 2001, I launched a redesigned SoapNet.com. Second week of the month, the executive VP of all Channel calls my name in front of an all-business-unit conference call and applauds me for my accomplishment. That was Tuesday. Thursday, her boss Michael Eisner sent out an email: "Worldwide, 6,000 of you have to go." On Friday, they told me I was number eight. Three days later, they told my boss she was number ten. My mother, who first taught me the term "Mauschwitz," somehow managed to refrain from an "I told you so."

(7) = Crux/Guardians of the Galaxy?

(8) = Do you think they'll offer to freeze Stan next to Walt? That'd be weird.

(9) = You'd think Icon would show up to do more, given all that's going on. Or maybe that SYSTEM and Intergang would work together. Oh well.

IN WHOLLY UNRELATED NEWS ...

My non-comics-fan co-workers started asking "who'd win" style questions, like I haven't broken those down in my head since I was eight. Here's what I'd pick as the "beat everybody on the table" team from both DC and Marvel, just for kicks ...

TEAM SCORCHED EARTH (DC)

- Jim Corrigan Spectre (not that pansy Crispus version of the whiny Hal Jordan one either)
- Black Adam (in "country killing" power levels)
- Anti-Monitor
- Current Speed Force Barry Allen Flash (as of the latest issue)
- Superboy Prime
- Val Armorr (pre crisis LSH Karate Kid)
- The General (Wade Eiling in the body of the Shaggy Man)

(Bench: Darkseid, Doomsday, pre-crisis Mon-El)

TEAM REVELATIONS (MARVEL)
- Living Tribunal
- Beyonder
- Dark Phoenix
- Molecule Man
- Odin (at the height of his powers)
- Thanos (he'll ramp up from wherever he is)
- T'Challa (as written by Christopher Priest)

(Bench: Amadeus Cho, Apocalypse, Proteus, Emperor Vulcan, Reed Richards, Mikhail Rasputin, Legion)

I also believe, without a doubt, that my DC team could take on anybody, anywhere, anyhow. As with all things, your mileage may vary.